You've probably engaged in "fat talk"– most women have – but did you know that this kind of everyday putdown can take a big toll on your mood and well-being? Here are some smarter things to say instead.
你可能正热衷于“肥胖谈话”——和大多数女性一样——但是你知道这些令人尴尬的日常谈话可能极大地拖累你的情绪和健康吗？下面给你几个小建议。
《女性心理学季刊》最近发表的一份研究报告表明，二十出头的女生中有93%承认她们陷入“肥胖谈话”不能自拔——在朋友面前赤裸裸地暴露自己的缺点，希望得到“不，你看起来很棒”的安慰。 除了痛陈自己的肥胖，女人还有很多惯用手段进行自我打击——从“我崩溃了!”到“我很抱歉。”不一而足。加州的一位名为Shoshana Bennett的心理学博士说，这些看起来无伤大雅的日常用语实际上比你想象得更有杀伤力——除了削弱你的自信，它们还能让你的焦虑和忧郁变得更加严重。 很多人甚至没有意识到自己说过这些话，或者并不认为他们是在自我贬低。Bennett博士建议，你应该像对待一位亲密的朋友那样与自己交谈。大多数人可能习惯于一个人的时候自嘲，但通常不会在倾慕的人面前自我贬损。 《每日健康》要求专家们将女人们喜欢念叨的最为负面的词汇列明，并提出如何将这些恶语转化为积极的想法。
Why it’s unhealthy: Pointing out and focusing on the alleged jiggle, whether to friends or yourself, is harmful to your body image and self-esteem. Even if your intent is to seek an image-boosting compliment, it can backfire, prompting you to agonize even more over your body flaws and making you feel worse. 第一句：“看我手臂上的肉颤的呀！” 这句话的语境是：和最好的朋友们干掉一杯pinot酒之后，女孩们的话题毫无征兆地突然转移到比拼“谁更讨厌自己的身体”上来。 为什么这么说不健康？因为不论对于你自己还是你的朋友来说，提出“颤抖的肥肉”并把注意力集中到它身上，对你的自身形象和自尊都是相当有害的。即使你的本意是希望得到一个正面的鼓励作为回应，却很可能起到相反的效果，使你对自己的身体缺陷更加焦虑，从而让自己感觉更糟。 Next time, say: “Did I tell you about the cool project I’m managing at work?” or “I love your new haircut!” The point here is to spend time with your friends celebrating each other’s successes instead of commiserating over flaws. 再有这样的情况，你不妨换种说法：“我有没有跟你说过我最近负责的那件工作干得漂亮？”或者“我喜欢你的新发型！”重点在于把时间花在和你的朋友们一起庆祝各自的成功而不是安慰彼此的缺陷。 2. “You always…” or “You never…” 第二句： “你总是。。。”或者“你从不。。。” The situation: Your husband leaves his dirty dinner dish in the sink. Again. And again.
Why it’s unhealthy: These unproductive taunts have the potential to snowball out of control, so you suddenly find yourself fighting and screaming about big issues like money or parenting instead of the pile of plates, explains Marianne Gillow, PhD, a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City. 这句话的语境是：你的老公把他吃剩的脏盘子放在水槽里就不管了。一次。又一次。再一次。。。 Next time, say: “I have a problem with…” Describe the bothersome behavior in a precise way, which allows you to get to the nuance of the fight, and settle it quickly. “If you’re going to fight with a loved one, it’s best to keep it as specific as possible,” Gillow says. 再有这样的情况，你可以说：“我有个问题。。。”具体描述一下打扰你的这一行为，这会使你找到争论的细节并将其迅速地解决。如果你准备和你最亲密的人吵架，最好还是将其限定在细节。 3. “I’m such a pig.” 第三句：“我真是只猪！” The situation: You feel guilty about inhaling an entire bag of pretzel M&Ms, so you confess to your co-worker about your diet slip-up. 这句话的语境是：你刚吃了一整袋M&M牌的椒盐饼干，感到很罪恶，所以就跟你的同事倾诉你的减肥计划流产了。 Why it’s unhealthy: This self-judgmental jab picks apart your self-esteem, making you more likely to binge further, creating a vicious cycle. In many cases, you’re actually saying it in hopes of getting reassurance from your friends that you are not, in fact, a pig, which is equally as dangerous. “If you’re depending on someone else to tell you how to feel, you’re not taking responsibility for your own confidence and happiness,” says Bennett. 为什么这样说对健康不利呢？因为这种狠狠地自我打击严重损害了你的自尊，很可能导致你变本加厉地暴饮暴食。很多时候，你这么说是希望从你的朋友那儿得到安慰，说你并不像头猪，即使这样，对健康仍然没有好处。因为如果你需要依靠别人来告诉你如何评价自己的话，你就把获得自信和快乐的责任推给了别人。 Next time, say: “That was so yummy.” Simply enjoy the indulgence and vow to eat something healthy at your next meal or snack. Or, if you’re eating to the point of discomfort, be aware of your actions. “Make a mental note so you can choose differently next time,” says Bennett. If you turned to the vending machine after a particularly stressful meeting, brainstorm a smarter solution for next time, like venting to your office best friend or taking a mind-clearing walk. 再碰到这样的情况，你要说：”这饼干真好吃啊！“享受偶尔放纵的快乐。然后发誓说下一顿要来点健康饮食。不过，如果你已经吃到撑得难受了，还是应该检讨一下。方法是在大脑中记上一笔，下次要选一些健康食品。如果某次散会后你感觉压力山大，然后胡吃海塞了一堆垃圾食品，那么记得下次要聪明点——找个和你关系最好的工作伙伴倾诉或者通过散步来减压。 4. “I’m soooo sorry.” 第四句：“我非常非常抱歉！” The situation: You brush up against someone in the elevator. Or ask a question in a big meeting. Or fumble around in your wallet and take too long to pay the cashier at the coffee shop.
Why it’s unhealthy: “Over-apologizing for minor, unnecessary things can do a number on your self-worth because you’re basically saying, ‘I’m not important,’” Bennett says. 这句话的语境是：你在电梯里面碰到了某人。或是在一个大型会议上问了个问题。或是在钱包里摸了半天才付了喝咖啡的钱。 为什么这样说会导致对健康不利呢？因为对一个无关紧要的小问题表示过分的歉意会使你的自我价值认定产生问题，因为这就代表你承认：“我是无足轻重的小人物。” Next time, say: Nothing at all. Bite your tongue and reserve those earnest apologies for acts that truly deserve them. 下一次，你应该说，这没什么。忍住到嘴边的那些诚意抱歉的话，等你真正闯祸的时候再用吧。 5. “Ugh, I’m beyond stressed.” 第五句：“呃，我要崩溃了。” The situation: You stare at the 72 unread emails in your inbox or your three-page-and-growing to-do list and throw up your hands in despair. 这句话的语境是：面对邮箱里的72封未读电子邮件或者长达3页的待办事宜清单，你绝望得举手投降。 Why it’s unhealthy: With four small words, you imply incompetence. “A lot of times we speak in terms of ‘all or nothing,’ and those statements lead nowhere but down,” says Bennett. Take a step back and have another look at the situation. You’ll probably realize that you’re not falling apart, but you could just use some help prioritizing or delegating. You’re only human, and you can pretty much only do one thing at a time. 这句话对你的损害在于：虽寥寥数语，但表达了你的无能。我们经常说”要不全有要不全无“，但这样说只能导致消沉。退后一步重新审视眼前的状况，你很可能会意识到自己并没有崩溃，只是需要在事情重要性的排序上获得一些帮助。你只是一个普通人，一次也就能做一件事。 Next time, say: “I’m feeling challenged right now.” This puts you in a solution-seeking mindset and you can figure out what to do to move forward. 下一次，你应该说：”我现在遇到挑战了。“这样你的态度就是在解决问题，这有助于你明确下一步要做什么。
6. “I can’t afford this.”
The situation: You ogle a gorgeous pair of strappy sandals in your favorite department store (and put them right back down after seeing the price tag). Or you go into sticker shock when the travel agent tallies the cost of the Caribbean cruise you were thinking of booking for your anniversary. 第六句：“天哪！我不能承受这个价钱！” 这句话的语境是：你在你最爱的百货商场发现了一双系带凉鞋是你的心头好（但是在瞟了一眼价签之后马上把它放下了），或是在听到旅游代理给你的加勒比海游轮结婚纪念旅行报价之后被雷翻。 Why it’s unhealthy: When you use the word “can’t,” you’re acting as if you’re not in control of your own situation, and so you limit your possibilities. “Most likely, with some creativity, you could find a way to buy those shoes or take that trip,” says Bennett. 这句话对你的损害在于：当你说出”不能“的时候，你就表现出你应付不来，同时也限制了你的潜能。其实在大多数情况下，只要发挥聪明才智，你是能够找到办法买下那双鞋或者订下那次旅行的。 Next time, say: “I choose not to spend money on that right now.” This empowers you with the option of spending money later and brainstorming about how to budget for it. 下一次，你应该说：”我暂时不花那笔钱了。“这样就会激励你接下来一门心思赚到这笔钱，最终实现你的消费愿望。 版权声明：
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