For many of us, the emotions holding the tightest grip on our hearts are disappointment, resentment, blame and anger. They place a stranglehold on our happiness, and the only person who can release them is you. Here are four steps to help you forgive. 1. Understand why someone acts the way they do. Perhaps the most important tool and first step in forgiveness is to understand "why" someone acts the way they do. Take your parents, for example. It's helpful to go back and objectively look at their early childhood. Imagine what their childhood, parents and home environment was like. What do you know? What have you heard? What can you infer? Do some basic sleuthing to uncover or imagine why a person (partner, colleague, parent) may have certain defense mechanisms (narcissism, defensiveness, aggression, depression, etc.) or personality traits. 2. Feel and express your emotions. We can't heal what we can't feel. This may mean digging up long-held or buried emotions from the past, your childhood or right now. Our past pain affects (and in many ways creates) our current upsets. Until we fully release the emotions held in our bodies, they continue to affect our present mindset -- creating tension in the body-mind and even leading to illness. 3. Rebuild safety. Once you have adequately expressed your emotions, create new boundaries for yourself within the relationship. This may mean you no longer see the person, end the relationship or establish new guidelines. 4. Let go. Fully letting go of a past transgression and completely forgiving may take many months or years. Imagine the process of letting go like a labyrinth or a mandala -- spiraling around and around a center point. You may have a phase of feeling better and then realize that you are still grieving or angry. This is natural. The soul does not heal on linear time. Give yourself space. Be patient. True healing happens on the quantum, spiritual plane. Ask for help. Get quiet, mindful and pray to let go. It will happen. |
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