|
悄悄告诉你们
面对我们对衰老的恐惧，担心和害怕于事无补，也不能带给我们更多的平安。相反的，担心和害怕会使我们感觉压力倍增且不幸福。但我们并不必要这么做。 我们拥有的最重要的礼物，就是我们可以在大脑中选择以何种态度面对他人的能力。当我们报以宽容之心而非恐惧的心态面对他人时，我们会使事情发生转机。 我的妈妈，菲利斯，在她94岁过世前一直住在加利福尼亚米尔谷，很棒的红杉退休社区，距离我们很近。她是一个充满爱的、非凡的女人，她在生活中克服了很多看似不可逾越的障碍。哪里没有爱，她就把爱洒到哪里，然后发现爱。她从不回避，而是把障碍变成挑战。 作为意裔美国父母16个孩子中的第14个孩子，菲利斯发展了自己的坚韧并且决定独立思考。她使用这些技能在当时物质和精神都非常挑战的环境下得以生存。 当她年轻的时候，她对自己生活的选择几乎没有发言权。尽管她请求像其他兄弟姐妹一样上高中，但她被拒绝接受超过第八年级的教育。她决定要学习钢琴后，却遭到惩罚。她未能得到朋友和非工作相关的社会互动。她渴望效仿她的女偶像，女飞行员Amelia Earhart。 在她一生中，菲利斯为自己打破壁垒，并且影响自己的孩子也这样做。她经常对我们说“不要让任何人限制你的世界”。 在75岁高龄时，她在所有的子女、孙子女和曾孙子女们的面前，成为从大学毕业的最高龄女性（我不得不说，她以极高的荣誉毕业），且是她兄弟姐妹中唯一的一个。她学会了弹钢琴和风琴，甚至试着弹吉他。 她被朋友和教会及其社区的成员无比钟爱。中年时，她学会了如何驾驶单引擎飞机和单人飞行，从而克服了对飞行的恐惧。她年近60岁时，她克服了对水的恐惧，获得了100英尺的潜水证书。 菲利斯选择了一种感恩的态度，不管她的境遇如何，她决心在自己的年龄增长时为自己做出更好的选择。童年的约束使她几乎无从选择，她非常珍视用自己的力量来选择内心的想法（她非常重视她的选择内心想法的权力），特别是在她晚年的时候。她没有抱怨和感觉委屈，而是全心地善待每一个她身边的人，无论他们的地位如何。她感激生命，感激她的信念，感谢她身边的每一个人和每一件事。 在她生命的最后几年里，对我的兄弟姐妹和我来说，知道她是否安好，以及包括她家人在内的其他人为她做的所有一切，哪怕是最微不足道的小事，也是很重要的。 我们很少看到她没有微笑，即使她的身体被许多痛苦的疾病所折磨。她的荣誉徽章之一是，她在临终关怀医院待了一年之后变得如此健康，她毕业了！ 死亡从来不是菲利斯的敌人，她也从未害怕过它。她有一些接近死亡的经验（她有着几次濒死体验），知道生命的延续等待着她超越身体的生命。 尽管她很难把我们所有人都留在这里，但当时间终于到来的时候，她已经准备好离开这个生命了。菲利斯给予我们一个最大的礼物，除去她无条件地爱的能力以外，就是她面对死亡和濒死的坦然。每当艰难的时候，她总是引用“变老不是胆小鬼”（无惧变老）这本书。当年龄对她的身体和思维构成挑战时，菲利斯给我们留下了遗产，而这些遗产改变了那些深入全面了解她的人。她是一个充满爱的、了不起的老师，她教导我们，充满幸福和感恩是可能的，并对你最后的一刻无所畏惧。 Change your mind about taging and change your life Worrying and being fearful does not bring us resolution to any fears we have around aging, nor does it bring us more peace.On the contrary worry and fear can make us feel distressed and unhappy. But it doesn't have to be this way. The most important gift that we have is the ability to choose the thoughts we have in our minds and what attitudes we hold about others. We can turn things around when we develop an attitude of forgiveness rather than fear. My (Diane's) mother, Phyllis, lived near us at the wonderful Redwoods Retirement Community in Mill Valley,California until her passing at 94 years of age. She was a beloved and remarkable woman who lived her life to the fullest by overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds. Where there was no love, she put love, and then found love.Obstacles became challenges from which she never shied away. As the 14th of 16 children of Italian-American immigrant parents, Phyllis developed resilience and determined thinking on her own. She used these qualities to survive both physically and emotionally in very challenging times. When she was young she had next to no say about her choices in life. She was denied an education beyond 8th grade even though she begged to goto High School like her other siblings. She was punished for playing the pianoin her determined pursue it to learn. She was denied friends and non-work related social interaction. And she longed to emulate her heroine, the aviator AmeliaEarhart. Over the course of her life, Phyllis brokedown barriers for herself, and thus influenced her children to do the same. She often said to me, “Don’t let anyone every limit your world.” At age 75 and in the presence of all her children,grandchildren and great grandchildren,she became the oldest woman to graduate from her college (with high donors I might add) and the rest and only of her siblings to ever do so. She learned to play the piano and the organ and even tried out the guitar. She was beloved beyond description by friends and members of her church and her community. In mid-life she overcame a fear of flying by learning how to fly a single engine plane and solo. She overcame her fear of the water by getting her100 feet scuba diving certificate in her late fifties. Phyllis chose to have an attitude of gratitude, regardless of her circumstances, and she was determined to make good choices for herself as she increased in age. Having a restricted childhood with so few choices, she valued her power to choose the thoughts she put in her mind, especially later in life. Rather than complaining and holding onto grievances, Phyllis focused on being kind to everyone who worked where she lived, regardless of their position. She was grateful for life, her faith, and everyone and everything around her. In her last years,it was important formysiblings and metoknow how she was doing and what and everyone else including her family for all they do for her-even with the most seemingly insignificantdeeds. We rarely saw her without a smile even though her body was being ravaged with numerous internal maladies.One of her badges of honoris that she became so well after a year in Hospicecare that she was graduated out! Death was never an enemy to Phyllis nor was she ever afraid of it. She had a few near death experiences and knew that a continuation of life awaited her beyond the life of the body. While it was hard for her to leave us all here, she was ready to depart this life when the time finallycame. One of the greatest gifts Phyllis gave us,next to her capacity to love unconditionally, was her comfort with death anddying. When times were tough, she often quoted the book《Growing Old Is Not for Sissies》. While aging was challenging for her body and her mind,Phyllis left us a legacy that has changed those that knew her indeep and profound ways. She was an amazing teacher of love, teaching us that itis possible to be happy and full of gratitude, and to be fearless with your last breath. |
|
|
