说明:为了保证英语学习效果,原文的部分超纲词和现代英语中已不存在的词汇替换为了中学课标词和四六级词汇,译文以逐字翻译为主,突出重点词汇和语法结构。或许部分译文欠缺文学美感。本版本原文/译文仅供参考。希望大家理解!Chapter 1 Part One A child at Gateshead 1 The red room 红房子 We could not go for a walk that afternoon.There was such a freezing cold wind,and such heavy rain,that we all stayed indoors.I was glad of it.I never liked long walks,especially in winter.I used to hate coming home when it was almost dark,with ice-cold fingers and toes,feeling miserable because Bessie,the nursemaid,was always scolding me.All the time I knew I was different from my cousins,Eliza,John and Georgiana Reed.They were taller and stronger than me,and they were loved. Chapter 2 2 Leaving Gateshead Chapter 3 Part Two A girl at Lowood 3 My first impressions of school 第二部 洛伍德的女孩 3 我对学校的第一印象 Mrs Reedarranged for me to leave on the nineteenth of January.I had to get up very early to catchthe coach,but Bessie helped me to get ready. 里德太太安排我在1月19日离开。为了赶上马车,我必须起个大早,贝茜帮助我做好了准备。 ’Will you say goodbye to Mrs Reed,Jane?’she asked. 她问:“简,你去向里德太太道别吗?” ’No,she said I shouldn’t disturb her so early.Anyway,I don’t want to say anything to her.She’s always hated me.’ “不了,她说不让我这么早打扰她。反正我也不想和她说话。她一向恨我的。” ’Oh,Miss Jane,don’t say that!’ “噢,简小姐,别这么说。” ’Goodbye to Gateshead!’I shouted wildly,as we walked together out of the front door,to wait for the coach in the road.It arrived,pulled by four horses,and full of passengers.The coachman took my luggage and called me to hurry up.Bessie kissed me for the last time as I held tightly to her. “盖茨赫德,再见了!”我大声喊着。我们一起走出前门,在路边等车。车来了,四匹马拉着,挤满了乘客。车夫接过我的行李,让我赶紧上车。我紧抱着贝茜,她吻了我最后一次。 She shouted up to the coachman,’Make sure you take care of her!Fifty miles is a long way for a young child to go alone.’ 她对车夫喊着:“你一定要好好照顾她。小孩子孤身一人,50英里路太远了。” ’I will!’he answered.The door was closed,and the coach rolled off.What a strange feeling to be leaving Gateshead,my home for the whole of my childhood!Although I was sad to say goodbye to Bessie,I was both excited and nervous about the new place I would see,and the new people I would meet. “我会的。”车夫答道。门关上了,马车继续前行。离开盖茨赫德的感觉真奇怪,这是我整个童年的家呀!和贝茜告别让我很难过,但想到我要去新的地方,见到新的人,我就又激动又害怕。 I do not remember much about the journey,except that it seemed far toolong.We stopped for lunch,to change the horses.Then in the afternoon I realized we were driving throughcountryside.I slept for a short time but was woken when the coach stopped.The door opened and a servant called in, 路上的事我已记不太清了,只觉得旅途实在太长了。我们停下来吃中饭、换马匹。下午,我意识到我们正在穿越乡村。我睡了一会儿,车停下我便醒了。门开了,一个仆人叫道: ’Is there a little girl called Jane Eyre here?’ “有没有叫简·爱的女孩?” ’Yes,’I answered,and was helped out of the coach with my luggage.Tired and confused after the journey,I followed the servant into a large building,where she left me in a sitting-room.In came a tall lady,with dark hair and eyes,and a large,pale forehead.I discovered that she was Miss Temple,the headmistress of Lowood school.She looked at me carefully. “有。”我答道,大家帮我下车,并取了行李。由于旅途劳累,昏头昏脑的我随着仆人走进一幢大房子,她让我等在起居室里。一位高高的女士走了进来,她黑发黑眼睛,前额宽阔、苍白。我得知她是丹伯尔小姐,洛伍德学校的女学监,她仔细端详着我。 ’You are very young to be sent alone.You look tired.Are you?’she asked,putting her hand kindly on my shoulder. “你一人上路还年龄太小,你看上去累了。累吗?”她问,一只手亲切地搭在我肩上。 ’A little,ma’am,’I replied. “有一点儿,太太。”我答道。 ’How old are you,and what is your name?’ “你多大了?叫什么名字?” ’I’m Jane Eyre,ma’am,and I’m ten years old.’ “我叫简·爱,10岁了。” ’Well,I hope you will be a good child at school,’she said,touching my cheek gently with her finger. “好啊,我希望你在学校是个好孩子。”她说着用手指轻轻摸着我的脸颊。 I was taken by a teacher,Miss Miller,through the silent corridors of the large school,to the long,wide schoolroom.There about eighty girls,aged from nine to twenty,sat doing their homework.I sat on a bench near the door,with my slate. 我被一位叫米勒小姐的教师带着,穿过这座大学校寂静的走廊,来到又长又宽的教室。那儿大约有80个女孩,年龄从9岁至20岁不等,都坐在那儿写作业。我夹着石板,坐在靠近门口的一张长凳上。 ’Put away the lesson-books and fetch the supper-trays!’called Miss Miller.Four tall girls removed all the books,then went out and returned with trays which were handed round.Each child could have a drink of water out of the shared cup,and could take a small piece of biscuit.Then we all went quietly upstairs to the long,crowded bedroom,where two children shared every bed.I had to share Miss Miller’s,but I was so tired that I fell asleep immediately. 米勒小姐喊道:“放下书本,去取晚餐盘子。”四个高个女孩收拾起所有的课本,然后出去取来了盘子,一个个传递下去。每个孩子可以喝点儿水,吃一小块儿饼干。然后我们都静静地上楼,来到狭长、拥挤的寝室。每两个孩子共用一张床。我只能和米勒小姐同住,但是我实在太累了,马上就睡着了。 In the morning the ringing of a bell woke me,although it was still dark.I got dressed quickly in the bitter cold of the room,and washed when I could.There was only one basin for six girls.When the bell rang again,we all went downstairs,two by two,and silently entered the cold,badly lit schoolroom for prayers.As the bell rang a third time to indicate the beginning of lessons,the girls moved into four groups around four tables,and the teachers came into the room to start the Bible class.I was put in the bottom class.How glad I was when it was time for breakfast!I had hardly eaten anything the day before.But the only food served to us was porridge,which was burnt.It was so disgusting that we could not eat it,so we left the dining-room with empty stomachs.After breakfast came the one happy moment of the day,when the pupils could play and talk freely.We all complained bitterly about the uneatable breakfast.Lessons started again at nine o’clock and finished at twelve,when Miss Temple stood up to speak to the whole school. 早晨,尽管外面天还黑着,铃声就把我叫醒了。屋里很冷,我赶紧穿好衣服,然后找机会洗漱。六个女孩只有一只盆。铃声再次响起时,我们一对一对地下楼,静静地走进寒冷、阴暗的教室祈祷。第三遍铃响表示开始上课。姑娘们分成四组,分别围着四张桌子坐好,老师们走进来开始上《圣经》课。我被编入最低班。早餐时间一到,我真是高兴极了。前一天我几乎什么也没吃,可是我们得到的唯一的食物只有粥。粥糊了,令人恶心,我们根本无法下咽,于是空着肚子离开了餐厅。早餐后是一天中的快乐时光,学生们可以自由玩耍、交谈,我们都起劲儿地抱怨着那没法吃的早餐。9点钟接着上课,直到12点。这时,丹伯尔小姐站起来对全校学生讲话。 ’Girls,this morning you had a breakfast which you couldn’t eat.You must be hungry,so I have ordered a lunch of bread and cheese for you all.’The teachers looked at her in surprise. “姑娘们,今天早晨你们的早餐无法下咽。你们一定饿了,所以我给大家订了面包和奶酪当做午饭。”老师们都惊讶地看着她。 ’Don’t worry,I take responsibility for it,’she told them. “别担心,我负全责。”她对老师们说。 We were delighted,and all rushed out into the garden to eat our lunch.Nobody had taken any notice of me so far,but I did not mind that.I stood alone outside,watching some of the stronger girls playing,trying to forget the bitter cold,andthinking about my life.Gateshead and the Reed family seemed a long way away.I was not yet used to school life.And what sort of future could I look forward to? 我们很高兴,都跑到花园中去吃午饭。到现在还没有人注意到我,可我并不在意。我独自一人站在外面,看着几个比较壮实的女孩玩耍,努力忘掉寒冷,思考着我的生活。盖茨赫德和里德一家似乎那么遥远,我还不习惯学校的生活。我会有什么样的未来呢? As I wondered,I saw a girl near me reading a book.I felt brave enough to speak to her,since I too liked reading. 我正想着,看到旁边一个女孩儿在读书。我也喜欢读书,于是壮着胆子和她搭话。 ’Is your book interesting?What is it about?’I asked. “你的书有意思吗?讲什么的?”我问。 ’Well,I like it,’she said after a pause,looking at me.’Here,have a look at it.’I glanced quickly at it but found it too difficult to understand,so I gave it back. “嗯,我喜欢。”她停了一会儿,看着我说。“喏,看看吧!”我匆匆扫了一眼,觉得太难读懂,就还给了她。 ’What sort of school is this?’I asked. “这是个什么样的学校?”我问。 ’It’s called Lowood school.It’s a charity school.We’re all charity children,you see.I expect your parents are dead,aren’t they?All the girls here have lost either one or both parents.’ “这叫洛伍德学校,是所慈善学校。你知道,我们都是接受慈善的孩子。我想你的父母都去世了吧?这里所有的女孩要么失去了单亲,要么失去了双亲。” ’Don’t we pay anything?Is the school free?’I asked. “我们要交钱吗?学校是免费的吗?”我问。 ’We pay,or our relations pay,£ 15 a year for each of us.That isn’t enough,so some kind ladies and gentlemen in London pay the rest.That’s why it’s called a charity school.’ “我们或我们的亲戚交钱,每人每年15英镑。这不够用,因此伦敦一些好心的先生女士就支付剩下的费用。这就是为什么这儿是慈善学校。” ’Who is Mr Brocklehurst?’was my next question. “布鲁克赫斯特先生是谁?”我接着问。 ’His mother built this part of the school.He’s the manager,and looks after all financial matters.He lives in a large house near here.’ “他母亲建立了学校的这一部分。他是经理,管理所有财务的事。他就住在附近的一所大房子里。” I did not see her again until during the afternoon lessons,when I noticed that she had been sent to stand alone in the middle of the schoolroom.I could not imagine what she had done to deserve such a punishment,but she did not look ashamed or unhappy.She was lost in thought,and did not seem to notice that everyone was looking at her. 直到下午上课,我才又一次见到了她,我看到她被叫去独自站在教室中央。我想像不出她做错了什么,要遭这样的惩罚,可她看上去既不害臊,也不难过。她沉思着,似乎没有注意到大家都在看她。 ’If that happened to me,’I thought,’I would be so embarrassed!’ 我心想:“如果轮到我,我会非常尴尬的。” After lessons we had a small cup of coffee and half a piece of brown bread,then half an hour’s play,then homework.Finally,after the evening biscuit and drink of water,we said prayers and went to bed.That was my first day at Lowood. 下课后,我们喝了一小杯咖啡,吃了半片黑面包,然后玩半小时,再做作业。终于,在晚上吃过饼干、喝过水之后,我们祈祷完毕可以睡觉了。这就是我在洛伍德的第一天。 Chapter 4 4 Making a friend 4 交朋友 The next morning we got up in the dark as before,but the water was frozen,so we could not wash.It was freezing cold in all the rooms.This time the porridge was not burnt,but I still felt hungry,as the quantity was so small. 第二天早晨,我们和以往一样天黑就起床了,可是水都冻了冰,不能洗漱了。所有的屋里都冰冷冰冷的。这次粥没有烧糊,但我还是饿,因为量太少了。 I stayed in the bottom class,but noticed the girl that I had been talking to was in another class.Her surname seemed to be Burns.Teachers called girls by their surnames in this school.Her class were studying history,and her teacher,Miss Scatcherd,appeared constantly annoyed by her. 我仍在最低班,却注意到曾和我讲话的女孩在另一个班,她好像姓伯恩斯。在这所学校,老师们总是用姓叫学生。她们班在学历史,她的老师斯盖查德小姐似乎总是被她惹恼。 ’Burns,hold your head up,can’t you!’ “伯恩斯,抬起头来,难道做不到吗?” ’Burns,don’t stand like that!’ “伯恩斯,别那么站着!” The history questions asked by Miss Scatcherd sounded very difficult,but Burns knew all the answers.I kept expecting the teacher to praise her,but instead she suddenly cried out, 斯盖查德小姐提出的历史问题听起来非常艰深,但伯恩斯知道所有的答案。我总是期待着老师表扬她,但却听到老师突然吼道: ’You dirty girl!You haven’t washed your hands this morning!’ “你这个脏丫头。早晨你没有洗手!” I was surprised that Burns did not explain that none of us could wash our faces or hands because the water had been frozen.Miss Scatcherd gave an order.Burns left the room and returned,carrying a stick.The teacher took it and hitBurns several times with it.The girl did not cry or change her expression. 我感到惊讶的是,伯恩斯并没有解释,我们谁也没洗脸、洗手,因为水冻冰了。斯盖查德小姐下了一个命令。伯恩斯出去了,回来时拿了一根棍子。老师接过棍子,在伯恩斯身上打了好几下。她既没有哭,也没有表情上的变化。 ’Wicked girl!’said Miss Scatcherd.’Nothing will change your dirty habits!’ “坏丫头!”斯盖查德小姐说。“什么也改变不了你脏的习惯!” Later that day,during the play-hour,I found Burns alone by the fireside,reading the same book as before,and I started talking to her. 后来在游戏的时侯,我找到了独自坐在火边的伯恩斯,她还在读那本书。我开始和她说话。 ’What is the rest of your name?’I asked. “你叫什么名字?”我问。 ’Helen,’she replied. “海伦。”她答道。 ’Do you want to leave Lowood?’ “你想离开洛伍德吗?” ’No,why should I?I was sent to school here,so I must learn as much as I can.’ “不,为什么要离开呢?我被送到这里上学,所以必须尽量多学些东西。” ’But Miss Scatcherd is so cruel to you!’I burst out. “但斯盖查德小姐待你太狠了!”我生气地说。 ’Cruel?Not at all.She is strictand she sees my faults.’ “狠吗?没什么。她很严格,能看到我的毛玻” ’If I were you,I’d hate her,’I cried.’If she hit me with a stick,I’d seize it and break it under her nose.’ “如果我是你,我会恨她的。”我大声说。“如果她用棍子打我,我会把它夺过来,在她眼皮底下把它折断。” ’I don’t think you would,’answered Helen quietly.’And if you did,Mr Brocklehurst would send you away from school,and your relations would be upset.Anyway,the Bible tells us to do good,even if other people hurt us.Sometimes you have to put up with some hard things in life.’ “我觉得你不会那样做。”海伦平静地说。“如果你做了,布鲁克赫斯特先生会把你赶出学校,你的亲戚会不高兴的。不管怎样,《圣经》教导我们要做好事,即使别人伤害我们也一样。有时候你必须忍受生活中的艰难。” I could not understand her ideas but I had a feeling she might be right.I looked at her in wonder. 我不能理解她的想法,但觉得她也许是对的。我疑惑地看着她。 ’You say you have faults,Helen.What are they?To me you seem very good.’ “海伦,你说你有错,错在哪儿?我觉得你很好。” ’You are wrong,’she answered.’I’m untidy and careless and I forget the rules.I read when I should be doing my homework.You see,Miss Scatcherd is right to scold me.’ “你错了。”她答道。“我不整洁,粗心大意,还常忘了规定,该做作业的时候我却读书。你瞧,斯盖查德小姐批评我是对的。” ’Is Miss Temple as strict as that?’I asked. “丹伯尔小姐也这么严厉吗?”我问。 A soft smile passed over Helen’s normally serious face. 海伦一贯严肃的脸上掠过淡淡的微笑。 ’Miss Temple is full of goodness.She gently tells me of my mistakes,and praises me if I do well.But even with her help I don’t concentrate properly in class,I just dream away the time,and then I can’t answer the teacher’s questions.’ “丹伯尔小姐好极了。她和蔼地告诉我哪里不对;我做得好,她会表扬我。但即便有她的帮助,我在课上还是不能集中精神。我总是在做梦,于是就回答不了老师的问题。” ’But today in history you knew all the answers!’I said. “但今天历史课上你知道所有的答案啊!”我说。 ’I just happened to be interested,that’s all,’she replied. “我只不过感兴趣罢了,仅此而已。”她答道。 ’I expect you are always interested in Miss Temple’s lessons,because you like her and she is good to you.I’m like that.I love those who love me,and I hate those who punish me unfairly.’ “我觉得你总是对丹伯尔小姐的课感兴趣,因为你喜欢她,她也待你好。我就是这样,别人爱我,我也会爱她。谁不公平地惩罚我,我就恨谁。” ’You should read the Bible and do what Christ says—people who believe in God should love their enemies,’said Helen. “你应该读读《圣经》,按基督的话去做——信仰上帝的人应该爱他的敌人。”海伦说。 ’Then I should love Mrs Reed and her son John,which is impossible,’I cried. “那我应该爱里德太太和她儿子约翰了?不可能!”我叫着。 Helen asked me to explain what I meant,and listened carefully to the long story of what I had suffered at Gateshead. 海伦让我解释一下这是什么意思,并仔细地听了我在盖茨赫德漫长的痛苦经历。 ’Well,’I asked impatiently at the end,’isn’t Mrs Reed a bad woman?Don’t you agree with me?’ 最后我不耐烦地问:“怎么样,里德太太难道不是坏女人?你不赞成我吗?” ’It’s true she has been unkind to you,because she dislikes your faults,asMiss Scatcherd dislikes mine.But look how bitterly you remember every angry word!Wouldn’t you be happier if you tried to forget her scolding?Life is too short to continue hating anyone for a long time.We all have faults,but the time will come soon when we die,when our wickedness will pass away with our bodies,leaving only the pure flame of the spirit.That’s why I never think of revenge,I never consider life unfair.I live in calm,looking forward to the end.’ “她的确对你不好,因为她不喜欢你的缺点,就像斯盖查德小姐不喜欢我的一样。如果你努力忘了她的训斥,不是会开心点儿吗?生命太短暂了,没时间恨一个人那么久。我们都有错误,但我们不久就会死去,我们的邪恶会随我们的躯体一起消失,只留下精神之火。这就是为什么我从来不想报复,我从不认为生活不公平。我平静地生活,期待着终结。” For a moment we both stayed silent.Then one of the big girls came up,calling,’Helen Burns!Go and put away your work and tidy your drawer immediately,or I’ll tell Miss scatcherd!’ 我们都沉默了一会儿。这时一个大孩子跑过来叫着:“海伦·伯恩斯,赶快去收拾你的课本,整理你的抽屉,否则我就去报告斯盖查德小姐!” Helen sighed,and,getting up,silently obeyed. 海伦叹了口气,站起身,默默地服从了。 Chapter 5 5 Mr. Brocklehurst’s visit and its results Chapter 6 6 Learning to like school Chapter 7 Part Three A governess at Thornfield 7 Thornfield and Mr Rochester Chapter 8 8 Getting to know Mr Rochester 8 认识罗切斯特先生 Thornfield Hall became quite busy the next day,now that the master had returned.People kept coming to visit him on business.I enjoyed the new,cheerful atmosphere.But I could not make Adele concentrate on her lessons because she was constantly talking about the presents Mr Rochester had promised to bring her.That evening we were invited to have tea with him.I immediately recognized the traveller I had helped,with his dark hair and skin,his square forehead and his stern look.His leg was supported on a chair,but he made no effort to greet me when I entered.In fact,he neither spoke nor moved. 第二天,特恩费得因为主人的返回而忙碌起来,不断有人来跟他谈事情,我喜欢这种欢快的新气氛。但是我没办法让阿黛拉专心上课,因为她总是喋喋不休地说着罗切斯特答应送给她的礼物。晚上,我们被邀请去和他一起喝茶。我一眼就认出了那黑头发、黑皮肤、宽阔的前额和严肃的表情,他正是我帮助过的旅行者。他的腿搭在椅子上,但当我进门时,他根本没有打招呼的表示。实际上,他既没说话,也没动一动。 ’Have you brought a present for Miss Eyre with you as well?’Adele asked him. “你也给爱小姐带礼物了吗?”阿黛拉问。 ’A present?Who wants a present?’he said angrily.’Did you expect a present,Miss Eyer?Do you like presents?’ “礼物?谁要礼物?”他生气地说。“爱小姐,你想要礼物吗?你喜欢礼物吗?” ’I haven’t much experience of them,sir,’I answered.’Anyway,I have no right to expect a present,as I haven’t done anything to deserveone.’ “先生,这东西我接触得不多。”我答道。“无论怎样,我无权想得到礼物,因为我没有做什么可以赢得礼物。” ’Don’t be so modest!I’ve been talking to Adele.She’s not very clever,but you’ve taught her well.’ “别太谦虚了。我已经和阿黛拉谈过。她不是很聪明,但你教得不错。” ’Sir,that is my present.That’s what a teacher wants most,praise of her pupil’s progress.’ “先生,这就是我的礼物。表扬学生的进步,就是老师最想得到的。” Mr Rochester drank his tea in silence After tea,he called me closer to the fire, while Adèle played with Mrs Fairfax. 罗切斯特先生静静地喝着茶。茶喝完后,阿黛拉和费尔法斯太太玩着,罗切斯特先生叫我离火近些。 ’Where were you before you came here?’he asked. “来这儿之前你在哪里?”他问。 ’I was at Lowood school,sir,for eight years.’ “先生,我在洛伍德生活了八年。” ’Ah,yes,a charity school!Eight years!I’m surprised you lasted so long in such a place.There is something like magic in your face.When I met you on the road to Hay last night,I almost thought you had put a spell on my horse!I still wonder if you did.What about your parents?’ “啊,是的,一所慈善学校!八年!你在那种地方坚持了这么久,真让我吃惊。你的脸上有种魔力。昨天晚上我在去海依的路上碰到你时,我差点以为你对我的马念了咒!我还在琢磨你是不是念了咒。你的父母呢?” ’They’re dead.I don’t remember them.’ “他们死了,我不记得他们了。” ’And your relations?’ “你的亲戚呢?” ’I have none.’ “我没有亲戚。” ’Whorecommended you to come here?’ “谁让你来这儿的?” ’I advertised,and Mrs Fairfax answeredthe advertisement.’ “我登了广告,费尔法斯太太给了回话。” ’Yes,’said the old housekeeper,’and I thank God she did.She’s a good teacher for Adèle,and a kind friend to me.’ “是的,”老管家说,“谢天谢地她登了广告。她不仅是阿黛拉的好老师,也是我的好朋友。” ’Don’t try to give her a good character,Mrs Fairfax,’said Mr Rochester sternly.’She and her magic made my horse slip on the ice last night.’ “别把她说得那么好。”罗切斯特绷着脸说。“昨天晚上她和她的魔法让我的马摔倒在冰上了。” Mrs Fairfax looked puzzled and clearly did not understand. 费尔法斯太太看上去稀里糊涂,显然没搞清是什么意思。 ’Miss Eyre,’continued Mr Rochester,’how old were you when you started at Lowood?’ 罗切斯特先生接着说:“爱小姐,你刚去洛伍德时几岁了?” ’About ten.’ “大约10岁。” ’And you stayed there eight years,so you are now eighteen?’I nodded.’I would never have been able to guess your age,’he went on.’Now,what did you learn there?Can you play the piano?’ “你在那儿待了八年,那么现在18了?”我点点头。他又说:“我永远猜不出你的年龄。好,你在那儿都学了些什么?会弹钢琴吗?” ’A little.’ “会一点儿。” ’of course,that’s what all young women say.Go and play a tune on the piano in the library.’I did as he asked. “当然啦,所有的年轻女人都这么说。到书房去弹个曲子。”我照他说的做了。 ’That’s enough!’he called after a few minutes.’Yes,you do indeed play a little,just like any schoolgirl, better than some perhaps.Now,bring me your sketches.’I fetched them from my room Having looked carefully at them, he chose three. “够了!”几分钟后他喊道。“是的,你的确只会一点儿,和其他女学生一模一样,可能比有的还弹得好一点儿。现在把你的素描拿来看看。”我从房间把画取来,他仔细看了看,挑出了三张。 ’These are interesting,’he said.’You have only expressed the shadow of your ideas,because you aren’t good enough at drawing or painting,but the ideas,where did they come from?Who taught you to draw wind,and space,and feeling?But put them away now,Miss Eyre.Do you realize it’s nine o’clock? Adèle should be in bed by now. Good night to you all.’Mr Rochester’s mood had suddenly changed,and he clearly wished to be alone. “很有意思。”他说。“你只是表达了你的想法的影子,因为你不善绘画,可是这些想法,都是从哪儿来的?谁教你画风、画空间、画情感的?不过,收起来吧,爱小姐。你知道已经9点钟了吗?阿黛拉该上床了。各位晚安。”罗切斯特先生的情绪忽然变了,他显然想单独待着。 Later tha evening I talked to Mrs Fairfax.’You said Mr Rochester was a little peculiar,’I said.’Well,what do you think,Miss Eyre?’ ’I think he is very peculiar,and quite rude.’ ’He may seem like that to a stranger.I’m so used to him that I never notice it.And he has had family troubles,you know.’ 那天晚上,我后来和费尔法斯太太聊起来。“你说过罗切斯特先生有点怪。”我说。“那么,你认为呢,爱小姐?”“我觉得他很怪,而且相当粗野。”“对陌生人来说他似乎是这样的。我太习惯他了,从来不觉得。你知道,他曾有过家庭问题。” ’But he has no family,’I answered. “可是他没家呀。”我答道。 ’Not now,that’s true,but he did have an older brother,who died nine years ago.’ “的确,现在是没有。但他曾有过一个哥哥,九年前去世的。” ’Nine years is a long time.Surely he has recovered from losing his brother by now.’ “九年已经很久了。现在他肯定已经从失去哥哥的痛苦中恢复过来了。” ’Well,there was a lot of bad feeling in the family.The father was very fond of money,and wanted to keep the family property together,so the elder brother inherited most of it.I don’t know what happened,but I do know Mr Edward(that’s the master)quarrelled with his family.That’s why he’s travelled so much.When his brother died,he inherited Thornfield,but I’m not surprised he doesn’t come here often.’ “唉,他家里感情不好。父亲非常贪财,希望把家族的产业守在一起,因此老大继承了大部分产业。我不知出了什么事,但我知道爱德华先生(就是主人)曾和他的家人吵过架,这就是为什么他常常出游。他哥哥死后,他继承了特恩费得,但他不常回来,我并不感到奇怪。” ’Why should he stay away?’I asked,surprised. “他为什么要离开呢?”我惊讶地问。 ’Perhaps he thinks it’s a sad place.I really don’t know.’It was clear that Mrs Fairfax would not tell me any more. “也许他觉得这是个伤心的地方,我真是不清楚。”显然,费尔法斯太太不会再跟我多说了。 One evening,a few days later,I was invited to talk to Mr Rochester after dinner.At the far end of the room Adèle was delightedly telling Mrs Fairfax about the presents she had received. Mr Rochester called me closer to the fire. 几天后的一个晚上,我被邀请在晚饭后和罗切斯特先生谈话。在房间的一角,阿黛拉正兴致勃勃地向费尔法斯太太讲述她得到的礼物。罗切斯特先生让我离火近些。 ’I don’t like the conversation of children or old ladies,’he murmured to me.’But they are entertaining each other at the moment,so I can amuse myself.’Tonight he did not look so stern,and there was a softness in his fine,dark eyes.As I was looking at him,he suddenly turned and caught my look. “我不喜欢小孩子和老太太的对话。”他悄悄对我说。“可是她们正互相逗趣,我自己也可以找点乐。”今晚他看上去没有那么严肃了,他漂亮的黑眼睛里透着温柔。我正看着,他突然转过身来,碰到了我的目光。 ’Do you think I’m handsome,Miss Eyre?’he asked. “你认为我英俊吗,爱小姐?”他问。 Normally I would have taken time to think,and said something polite,but somehow I answered at once,’No,sir.’ 一般来说,我会稍微想一想,然后说点客气话,可是现在我却脱口而出:“不,先 ’Ah,you really are unusual!You are a quiet,serious little person,but you can be almost rude.’ “啊,你可真不一般!你是个安静、严肃的小人儿,不过你也可以变得几乎粗鲁。” ’Sir,I’m sorry.I should have said that beauty doesn’t matter,or something like that.’ “先生,对不起。我应该说美丽并不重要,或是类似的话。” ’No,you shouldn’t!I see,youcriticize my appearance,and then you stab me in the back! All right,tell me. What is wrong with my appearance?’ “不,你不应该!我明白了,你批评了我的外表,还要从背后再捅上一刀!好吧,告诉我,我长得有什么不妥吗?” ’Mr Rochester,I didn’t intend tocriticize you.’ “罗切斯特先生,我没有批评您的意思。” ’Well,now you can Look at my head.Do you think I am intelligent?’He pointed to his huge,square forehead. “好吧,现在你批评吧。看着我的头,你觉得我聪明吗?”他指着自己宽大的前额。 ’I do,sir.Is it rude to ask if you are also good?’ “是的,先生。如果问您是不是好人,会不礼貌吗?” ’Stabbing me again!Just because I said I didn’t like talking to old ladies and children!Well,young lady,I wanted to be good when I was younger,but life has been a struggle for me,and I’ve become as hard and tough as a rubber ball. I only have a little goodness left inside.’He was speaking rather excitedly,and I thought perhaps he had been drinking.’Miss Eyre,you look puzzled.Tonight I want conversation.It’s your turn.Speak.’ “你又捅刀子!就因为我说不喜欢跟老太太和小孩讲话!好吧,年轻的姑娘,我年轻时想做个好人,但生活对我来说是一场斗争,我已经变得和橡胶球一样坚韧了。我只在心底还存着一点好意。”他说得很激动,我想也许他喝酒了。“爱小姐,你看上去有些糊涂。今晚我要的是交谈,轮到你了,说话吧。” I said nothing,but smiled coldly. 我没说什么,只是冷冷地笑着。 ’I’m sorry if I’m rude,Miss Eyre.But I’m twenty years older,and more experienced,than you.Don’t you think I have the right to commandyou?’ “爱小姐,如果我太粗鲁了,我道歉。但我比你年长20岁,更有阅历。你不认为我有权命令你吗?” ’No,sir,not just because you’re older and more experienced than me.You would have the right only if you’d made good use of your experience of life.’ “不,先生。只因为您比我年长、阅历丰富不行。只有您好好利用了你的生活经历,您才有这个权力。” ’I don’t accept that,as I’ve made very bad use of my experience!But will you agree to obey my orders anyway?’ “我不接受,因为我并没有好好利用我的生活经历。不过你能同意尽管如此还是服从我的命令吗?” I thought,’He is peculiar,he’s forgotten that he’s paying me £ 30 a year to obey his orders,’and I said,’Not many masters bother to ask if their servants are offended by their orders.’ 我心想:“他是怪,他忘了他每年付给我30英镑就是要我服从他的命令。”于是我说:“没有那么多主人会费心询问他们的命令是否得罪了仆人。” ’Of course!I’d forgotten that I pay you a salary!So will you agree because of the salary?’ “当然!我忘了我付你薪水!那么你会因为薪水服从吗?” ’No, sir,not because of that,but because you forgot about it,and because you care whether a servant of yours is comfortable or not,I gladly agree.’ “不,先生,不是因为薪水,而是因为您忘了薪水,还因为您关心您的一个仆人是否舒心,我愿欣然从命。” ’You have honesty and feeling.There are not many girls like you.But perhaps I go too fast.Perhaps you have awful faults to counterbalance your few good points.’ “你老实,有情感,像你这样的女孩子很少见。不过也许我结论下得太快了,也许你有讨厌的缺点来抵消你的好处。” ’And perhaps you have too,’I thought. “你或许也有。”我心想。 He seemed to read my mind,and said quickly,’Yes,you’re right.I have plenty of faults.I went the wrong way when I was twenty-one,and have never found the right path again.I might have been very different.I might have been as good as you,and perhaps wiser.I am not a bad man,take my word for it,but I have done wrong.It wasn’t my character,but circumstances which were to blame.Why do I tell you all this?Because you’re the sort of person people tell their problems and secrets to,because you’re sympathetic and give them hope.’ 他似乎知道我的心思,马上说:“是的,你是对的。我有很多缺点。我21岁走错了路,就再也没找到正确的道了。我可能曾经和你一样好,可能更聪明。我不是坏人,我向你保证,但我做了错事。这不是我的性格,但环境才是罪魁。我为什么要告诉你这一切?因为你是那种听别人倾诉问题和秘密的人,因为你有同情心,给人以希望。” ’Do you think so,sir?’ “先生,您这样认为吗?” ’I do.You see,when life was difficult,I became desperate,and now all I have is regret.’ “是的。你知道,生活艰难时,我变得绝望了,现在我只有满腹的悔恨。” ’Asking forgivenessmight cure it,sir.’ “请求原谅或许可以医治创伤,先生。” ’No,it won’t.What I really should do is change my character,and I still could but—it’s difficult.And if I can’t have happiness,I want pleasure,even if it’s wrong.’ “不,不会的。我真正要做的是改变我的个性,我还能做到,不过很难。如果我没有幸福,我就寻欢,尽管那不对。” ’Pleasure may taste bitter,sir.’ “寻欢可能是苦涩的,先生。” ’How do you know,a pureyoung thing like you?You have no experience of life and its problems.But I will try to lead a better life.’ “你怎么知道,你这么个纯洁的姑娘?你没有生活经历,不知道生活的艰难。但是我会努力过更好的生活。” I stood up.The conversation was becoming hard to follow. 我站了起来,交谈已难以继续下去。 ’I must put Adèle to bed now,’I said. “我必须让阿黛拉上床了。”我说。 ’Don’t be afraid of me,Miss Eyre.You don’t relax or laugh very much,perhaps because of the effect Lowood school has had on you.But in time you will be more natural with me,and laugh,and speak freely.You’re like a restless bird in a cage.When you get out of the cage,you’ll fly very high.Good night.’ “爱小姐,别怕我。你不放松,也很少笑,这可能是洛伍德对你的影响。但是到时候你会和我更自然地相处的,说说笑笑,自由地交谈。你像笼中不安的小鸟,一旦走出笼子,就会远走高飞。晚安。” Chapter 9 9 Mr Rochester’s past 9 罗切斯特的过去 Soon I discovered what Mr Rochester meant when he said he had done wrong.One afternoon,while walking in the gardens of Thornfield,he told me the story of his love-affair in Paris with a French dancer,Geline. 不久,我就发现了罗切斯特说他曾做过错事是什么意思。一天下午在花园里散步时,他向我讲述了在巴黎和一位叫赛林娜的法国舞女的爱情故事。 ’Yes,Miss Eyre,I was young and foolish then.I was so in love with her that I rented a house and hired servants for her.I gave her a carriage and jewels,in fact I threw away a fortune on her,just like any fool in love.One evening I visited her but found she was out,so I waited on her balcony,smoking a cigar.I heard her carriage arriving.Imagine my horror at seeing her step out followed by a man!You’re so young,you’ve never felt love or jealousy,have you,Miss Eyre?You are floating along a quiet river now,you don’t see the water boiling at the foot of the great rocks,but one day you’ll come to a point in life’s stream where the wild force of the waves may destroy you, where the noisy rushing water may drown you!I am calm enough now,calm enough to like living here at Thornfield.I like it because it’s old,and grey,and dark, and yet I hate—’He did not finish what he was saying,staring angrily up at the windows on the top floor of his house.It was a look ofdisgust,pain and shame.I could not understand what he meant,and wanted to hear more about Celine,so I encouraged him to finish the story. “是的,简小姐,我那时年轻、愚蠢。我非常爱她,甚至为她租了房子,雇了仆人。我给她马车和首饰,在她身上挥霍了很多钱,就像任何陷入爱情的傻瓜一样。一天晚上,我去看她,她却不在,于是我就在她阳台上抽着雪茄,等着她。我听见马车来了。能想像得出我看到她走下马车、后面跟着一个男人时所感到的惊愕吗!你太年轻了,还没有感受过爱情或是嫉妒,是不是,爱小姐?现在你正随平静的小河漂流而下,看不到岩石脚下湍急的水流,但是有一天,你会在生活的长河中感到可以毁灭你的巨浪,咆哮的急流可能把你淹没!现在我已平静了,平静得喜欢住在特恩费得。我喜欢它,因为它陈旧、晦涩、黑暗,但是我恨——”他没有说完,只是愤怒地瞪着房子顶层的窗户。那目光中饱含厌恶、痛苦和耻辱。我不知他是什么意思,想多听听赛林娜的事,于是就鼓动他把故事讲完。 ’What happened when she entered the house, sir?’ “先生,她进屋后发生了什么事?” ’Oh,I’d forgotten Céline!By the way,it’s strange my telling you all this,but I know my secret’s safe with you, and I know,too,that it can’t have an evil influence on you-your mind’s too strong for that. Yes, I listened to her conversation with her lover,an elegant young fool,and I knew I was no longer in love with her.So I walked into the room,told her our relationship was over,and challenged her lover to fight me.Next day I shot him in the arm during our fight,thought that was the end of the whole thing, and left France.But a few months before,Céline had had a baby girl,Adèle,and she claimed that Adèle was my child. She may be,although I doubt it.So when,a few years later,Céline abandoned Adèle and ran away to Italy with a singer,I went to Paris and brought Adèle back to grow up in England.’ “噢,我忘了赛林娜!我告诉你这一切,真有些奇怪,不过我知道你会保守我的秘密,我还知道,它们不会对你产生坏影响——你太有头脑了。是的,我听到她和情人的对话,那是个优雅的年轻笨蛋。我知道我已不再爱她,于是便走进屋去,告诉她我们的关系完了,并向她的情人要求决斗。第二天,我在决斗中击伤了他的胳膊。我觉得事情已经了结,便离开了法国。但是在此几个月前,赛林娜生下一个女孩儿阿黛拉,声称是我的孩子。可能是吧,但我怀疑。几年后,赛林娜抛弃了阿黛拉,跟一个歌手跑到意大利去了,我便去巴黎,把阿黛拉带回英国抚养。” I felt proud that Mr Rochester had trusted me with the story of his past life.I thought a lot about his character,and although I was aware of his faults,I also saw his goodness and kindness to me.From now on,my happiest moments were spent with him.I could not have imagined a better companion. 罗切斯特能把他过去的生活讲给我听,我感到非常骄傲。我常常琢磨他的性格,尽管我意识到他的缺点,但也知道他待我很好很和善。从此,我最快活的时光就是和他在一起。我想像不出还有比他更好的伴侣。 One night I was woken by a slight noise.I felt sure someone was outside my bedroom door. As I hurried to lock it,I called,’Who’s there?There was a strange,inhuman sound,then I heard a door shut upstairs on the top floor.’Was that Grace Poole?’I wondered,trembling.My curiosity made me open the door, and I found the corridor full of smoke.I saw it was coming from Mr Rochester’s door,which was slightly open.I completely forgot my fears and rushed into his room.He lay fast asleep,surrounded by flames and smoke. Even his sheets were on fire. 一天夜里,我被一点响动吵醒。我可以肯定有人在我卧室门外,便赶紧去锁门,喊着:“谁在那儿?”我听到一个不像人发出的奇怪声音,然后是楼上顶层的关门声。“是格丽丝·普尔吗?”我纳闷,身上直发抖。好奇心驱使我打开了门,我看到走廊里全是烟。烟是从罗切斯特先生略开着的房门里冒出来的。我完全忘了害怕,冲进他的房间。他睡得正香,被火焰和浓烟包围着,连床单都着了火。 ’Wake up!Wake up!’I shouted desperately,throwing water over him to put out the flames.Not until the fire was almost out did he wake up,swearing to find himself so wet. “快醒醒!快醒醒!”我一边声嘶力竭地叫着,一边把水泼到他身上灭火。直到火快灭了他才醒来,发现一身湿,嘴里咒骂着。 ’Is there a flood?’ he cried. “发大水了吗?”他叫道。 ’No,sir,I answered,’but there’s been a fire.’ “不,先生。”我说。“不过着火了。” ’Jane Eyre,is it you and your magic?’he asked.’Have you put a spell on me again?Did you intend to drown me this time?’ “简·爱,是你和你的魔法吗?”他问。“你是不是又对我念了咒语?这次是想淹死我吗?” ’Please get up,sir.Someone has plotted to kill you!’And I explained what I had heard and how I had put out the fire.He looked very serious,and thought for a few seconds. “先生,请起来吧。有人要谋害你!”我讲述了我听到的声音以及我灭火的过程。他看上去表情严肃,沉思了一会儿。 ’Shall I fetchMrs Fairfax,sir,or the servants?’I asked. “我去叫费尔法斯太太或仆人吧?”我问。 ’No, why bother them?Just stay here for a moment.I’m going up to the top floor.Don’t call anyone,I’ll be back soon. “不,为什么要打扰他们?在这儿等一会儿,我到顶层去一下。别叫任何人,我马上就回来。” I waited,cold and tired,in his room for what seemed a very long time.Then I saw the light of his candle approaching through the darkness,and he appeared,looking pale and depressed. 我又冷又累,似乎在他的房间等了很长时间。然后我看到他举着蜡烛从黑暗中走来,他脸色苍白、神情沮丧。 ’Did you see anything when you opened your bedroom door?’he asked,glancing sharply at me. “你开卧室门时看到什么了吗?”他问,目光锐利地看着我。 ’No,sir,only a candle on the floor.’ “没有,先生,只有地上的一根蜡烛。” ’But you heard a strange laugh,did you say?’ “可是你不是说听到一声怪笑吗?” ’Yes,I’ve heard it before.Grace Poole laughs like that.” “是的,我以前也听到过。格丽丝·普尔就那么笑。” ’That’s it.It must have been Grace Poole.You’ve guessed it.I shall consider what to do about it.But meanwhile I’m glad you’re the only person who knows anything about all this Say nothing to anybody else,and now,go back to your own room. “不错,一定是格丽丝·普尔。你猜对了。我要考虑一下怎么处理。不过我很高兴你是唯一的知情者。一点儿也不要对别人提起,现在回房间吧。” ’Good night,then,sir,’I said,moving towards the door. “那么晚安,先生。”我说完向门口走去。 ’What!Are you leaving me already!’he said,seeming surprised,although he had just told me to go,’And so coldly?’ “什么!你这就走了!”他似乎有些吃惊地说,尽管他刚刚让我离开。“就这么冷冰冰地走了?” ’You said I should go,sir.’ “先生,你说我该走了。” ’But not without saying goodbye,not without a kind word or two.Why,you’ve saved my life.I hate being in debt to anyone,but with you it’s different,Jane.I’m happy to owe you my life.’His voice was trembling as he took both my hands in his.’I knew,when I first saw you,that you would do me good.I saw it in you eyes when I met you.I was right to…like…your smile and the magic in your face.’There was energy in his voice and a strange light in his eyes. “但不是不道别,不说点儿什么呀。怎么,你救了我的命啊!我讨厌欠别人的情,不过对你就难办了,简。我很高兴欠你的救命之恩。”他声音有些颤抖,把我的双手握在他手里。“我第一次见到你,就知道你会给我带来好运,我见到你时在你眼睛里看出来的。我……喜欢……你的微笑和脸上的魔力,看来是对的。”他的声音中充满激情,眼中闪着异样的光。 ’I’m glad I happened to be awake,’I said,’but I must go now.I’m cold.’I knew I could not control my feelings much longer,and I needed time to think But he still held on to my hands.Then I thought of a way of escaping. “我真高兴我当时正好醒着。”我说。“但我现在必须走了,我冷。”我知道我的感情不能控制太久,我需要时间想一想,但他还是握着我的手。这时我想了个逃脱的办法。 ’I think I hear the servants moving,sir,’I said. “我想我听到仆人们在走动了,先生。”我说。 ’Well, leave me,’he said, and let me go. “好吧,去吧。”他说完就放我走了。 That night, or what was left of it,I could not sleep.My mind was full of confusing pictures and disturbed emotions. 那天晚上或者说那晚余下的时间里,我无法再入睡。我脑子纷乱一片,心绪不安。 Chapter 10 10 The mystery of Grace Poole Chapter 11 11 The Thornfield house-party From a dark corner of the stairs, we admired the ladies as they went up to their rooms,and then again as they descended to dinner in their elegant evening dresses.Adèle was hoping Mr Rochester would call her down to meet the guests,but in the end she was so tired with all the excitement that she and I both went to bed early. Chapter 12 12 The gipsy woman Chapter 13 13 The stranger is attacked Chapter 14 14 Trouble at Gateshead Chapter 15 15 The future Mrs Rochester Chapter 16 16 Preparing for the wedding Chapter 17 17 The wedding day 17 婚礼 We had no friends or family to accompany us to the church.I had not told my Reed cousins about our wedding,but I had written to my uncle,John Eyre,in Madeira.Mr Rochester was in such a hurry that he only allowed me a short time to put on my wedding dress and veil. 我们没有朋友或家人陪伴去教堂。我没有把婚礼的事告诉里德家的表姊妹,但给马迪拉的约翰·爱舅舅写了信。罗切斯特先生那么心急,只给了我很短的时间让我穿上结婚礼服、戴好面纱。 ’Jane,you look lovely,’he said.’But you can only have ten minutes for breakfast!’We almost ran up the road to the church,his strong hand holding mine(独立主格).His dark face looked stern,and he did not speak.I did not notice the weather or my surroundingsat all,I only wanted to know why he looked so fierce.Suddenly he noticed how pale I was,and stopped for a moment to let me get my breath back .Then we walked more slowly into the church. “简,你可爱极了。”他说,“不过你只有十分钟吃早饭!”我们几乎是跑着来到教堂,他有力的臂膀搂着我,深色的脸膛表情严肃,一语不发。我根本没有注意到天气和周围的环境,只是纳闷他为什么看上去这么严厉。突然他注意到我脸色发白,赶紧停了一下让我喘口气。然后,我们放慢脚步,走进教堂。 The priest and the clerk were waiting for us.There was nobody else except two strangers who were standing at the back of the church.The ceremony began,and soon I heard the priest come to the point in the wedding where he had to ask,’Is there any reason why these two people should not be married?’ 牧师和执事正等着我们。除了教堂后面站着的两个陌生人,再无他人。仪式开始了,很快牧师就进行到了婚礼中他必须问的一句:“有没有理由说明这俩人不应结婚?” The priest paused for a second,as was the custom,but before he could continue,a voice from the back of the church said clearly, 牧师照例停顿了一会儿,然而在他继续之前,教堂后面传来一个清晰的声音: ’There is a reason.’ “是有一个理由。” The priest looked up from his book, and stood silent. Mr Rochester said in his deep voice,without turning his head,’Continue with the ceremony.’ 牧师从书本中抬起头来,静静地站着。罗切斯特先生没有回头,用他深沉的声音说:“仪式继续进行。” Silence fell again.Then the priest shook his head.’I must investigate this first,’he said.One of the strangers from the back of the church came forward and said,calmly and quietly, 又是一阵沉默。然后,牧师摇着头说:“我必须先调查一下。”其中一个陌生人从教堂后面走上前来,镇静地轻声说: ’This wedding cannot continue,because Mr Rochester is already married.’ “婚礼不能继续,因为罗切斯特先生已经结婚了。” I felt as if I had been hit.Mr Rochester’s whole face was like colourless marble.Without speaking or smiling,he was holding me tightly round the waist,as if he would never let go. 我觉得自己像被猛击了一下。罗切斯特先生的脸整个变成了无色的大理石。他既没说话也没有笑,只是紧紧搂着我的腰,好像永远不想放手似的。 ’Who are you?’he growled at the stranger.’And tell me what you know of this supposed wife of mine.’ “你是谁?”他冲陌生人吼道。“告诉我,关于我所谓的妻子你知道些什么!” ’I’m a lawyer,sir.I have a certificate here proving that you married Bertha Mason in the West Indies fifteen years ago.’ “先生,我是律师。我有文件在此证明十五年前你在西印度群岛和伯莎,梅森结了婚。” ’That may prove I’ve been married,but it doesn’t prove that she’s still alive.’ “这可能证明我结过婚,但不证明她还活着。” ’I can produce a witness,’said the lawyer,’who has seen her alive recently.’ “我有证人。”律师说,“他最近看到她还活着。” ’Produce him—or go to hell!’said Mr Rochester. “让他出来,不然就下地狱去!”罗切斯特说。 ’Here he is.Mr Mason!’called the lawyer.And the second stranger slowly approachedfrom the shadows,his pale face looking frightened(独立主格).Mr Rochester,staring furiously at him,raised his strong right arm to knock him down. “他在这儿。梅森先生!”律师叫道。另一个陌生人从暗处走近,他的脸吓得发白。罗切斯特先生愤怒地瞪着他,举起强壮的右臂,要把他打翻在地。 ’No!’cried Mason,trembling.Mr Rochester dropped his arm,and turned away in disgust. “不!”梅森发抖地叫着。罗切斯特放下手,厌恶地扭过头去。 ’Sir,’said the priest,frowning,’don’t forget we are in the house of God.Mr Mason,please tell us if this gentleman’s wife is still alive.’ 牧师皱着眉头说:“先生,不要忘记我们是在上帝的圣殿里。梅森先生,请告诉我们这位先生的妻子是不是还活着。” ’She’s at Thornfield Hall,’replied Mason in a weak voice.’I’m her brother and I’ve seen her there.’ “她就在特恩费得。”梅森用虚弱的声音说。“我是她哥哥,曾在那儿见过她。” ’Thornfield Hall!’cried the priest.’I’ve lived here for years,and I’ve never heard of a Mrs Rochester!’ “特恩费得!”牧师大声说,“我在这里住了这么多年,从来没听说过什么罗切斯特太太!” ’I was careful to keep her a secret,’murmured Mr Rochester,frowning. After a few minutes’ thought,he announced,’I must reveal the truth,I suppose.There will be no wedding today.No doubt. God will punish me for this.What this lawyer says is true.I’ve been married,and my wife still lives!I was tricked into marrying herwhen I was young,in the West Indies. Madness runs in her family,but they didn’t tell me that.Now she’s more of an animal than a woman.I keep her locked away,guarded by my old servant Grace Poole.I invite you all to come to my house to see her,and to judge whether I had the right to ask this innocent young girl to marry me.Follow me!’ “我小心翼翼地保守着这个秘密。”罗切斯特先生紧皱眉头嘟哝着。他沉思了几分钟,宣布说:“我想我必须以实相告了。今天没有婚礼了,无疑上帝会因此而惩罚我。律师说的是对的,我曾结过婚,我的妻子还活着。我年轻时在西印度群岛,被骗娶了她。她家族有癫狂病,但他们并没告诉我。现在她更像野兽,而不是女人。我把她锁起来了,让我的老仆格丽丝·普尔看守着。我请你们各位都到我家去看看她,去判断一下我是否有资格要求这个无辜的女孩嫁给我。跟我来!” Stillholding me firmly,he left the church,followed by the others.At the door of Thornfield Hall,Mrs Fairfax,Adele and the servants rushed forward,smiling,to congratulateus. 他仍然紧紧搂着我,离开了教堂,其他人跟在后面。到了特恩费得门口,费尔法斯太太、阿黛拉和仆人们都跑过来,笑着向我们道喜。 ’Too late!’cried the master,waving them away.’Your congratulations are fifteen years too late!’We all went up to the top floor,and entered the room where Mason had been attacked.Mr Rochester lifted the curtain,opened the secret door and showed us the little room.Grace Poole was making soup over a fire,and behind her a shape crawled on the floor.It was hard to say whether it was animal or human.It growled like a wild animal,but it wore clothes,and had long,thick,dark hair. “太晚了!”主人喊道,挥手让他们走开。“你们的祝贺迟到了十五年!”我们都走上顶层,来到梅森受袭击的那间屋子。罗切斯特先生掀起布帘,打开暗门,让我们看到了小房间。格丽丝·普尔正在炉子上烧汤,身后一个东西伏在地上,很难看出那究竟是人还是动物,像野生动物一样咆哮着,但穿着衣服,黑发又多又长。 ’How are you,Mrs Poole?’asked the master.’And how is your patient today?’ “普尔太太,你好吗?”主人问。“今天你的病人怎么样?” ’Not bad,sir,’answered Grace,’but be careful.She’ll try and bite you if she sees you,sir.’Just then the shape turned andwith a fierce cry attacked Mr Rochester violently.I recognized her dark,ugly face.They struggled for a moment,and then he held her down and,with Mrs Poole’s help,tied her to a chair.He turned to the others with a bitter smile. “还不错,先生。”格丽丝说。“不过,要小心。她如果看到你会咬你的,先生。”正在这时那东西转过身来,尖叫着向罗切斯特先生扑来。我认出了她那张丑恶的黑脸。他们挣扎了一会儿,他在普尔太太的帮助下,把她按倒在椅子上,绑了起来。他苦笑着转向其余的人。 ’You see,gentlemen,this is my wife.This is the partner I have to live with for ever.And instead I wished to have this’(laying his hand on my shoulder)’…this young girl.Can you honestly blame me?Compare the two,and then judge me!’ “先生们,你们看,这就是我妻子。这就是我不得不永远与之为伴的人。相反,我想要得到这位”(他把手放到我肩上)“……这位姑娘。你们能真心责怪我吗?比较一下,然后再对我裁决!” We all left the room silently.As we went downstairs the lawyer said to me,’I know you weren’t aware of this,Miss Eyre.Nobody will blame you,and Mr Mason will tell your uncle so,when he goes back to Madeira.’ 我们都沉默着离开了小屋。下楼时律师对我说:“爱小姐,我知道你不了解这一切。谁也不会怪你,梅森先生回到马迪拉时也会这么对你舅舅说。” ’My uncle!Do you know him?’I asked,surprised. “我舅舅!你认识他?”我惊奇地问。 ’I’m his lawyer.Mr Mason and he have often done business together.On his way back to the West Indies,Mr Mason stopped in Madeira and stayed with Mr Eyre,who mentioned that his niece was going to marry a Mr Rochester.’ “我是他的律师。梅森先生和他常在一起做生意。在回西印度群岛的路上,梅森在马迪拉停留,住在爱先生那儿,并听他说他的外甥女要和一位罗切斯特先生结婚。” ’Yes,I wrote to tell him I was getting married,’I said. “是的,我曾写信告诉他我要结婚了。”我说。 ’Well,when Mr Mason explained that Mr Rochester was already married,your uncle sent him straight back to England to prevent you from marrying and making a terrible mistake. I’m afraid your uncle is very ill and will probably die soon,so I think you had better stay in England, until you receive further news of him.’ “那么,梅森先生向他解释说罗切斯特先生已经结婚了,你舅舅让他立刻回英格兰,阻止你结婚,以免铸成大错。我担心你舅舅病得很重,可能不久就会死去,所以我觉得你该留在英格兰,等待他的进一步消息。” After the gentlemen had left,I entered my room and locked the door.Slowly I took off my wedding dress and veil.I was weak and exhausted,and only just beginning to realize what had happened.Could I ever again trust the being I had turned into a sort of god?I would not think of him asevil,but he could not have felt real love for me.How foolish I had been to believe him,and love him so much!My hopes were all dead,and my future was empty.I lay on my bed,faint and wishing for death,while darkness swam around me. 先生们走后,我回到自己的房间,锁上了门。我慢慢脱掉礼服,摘下面纱。我虚弱而疲劳,才刚刚开始意识到已经发生的一切。我还能再相信几乎被我当成了上帝的那个人吗?我不会认为他是邪恶的,但他不可能真正地爱过我。我相信他,那么爱他,是多么愚蠢啊!我的一切希望都破灭了,我的未来成了泡影。我躺在床上,昏沉沉的,只想死去。黑暗慢慢将我笼罩了起来。 Chapter 18 18 Mr Rochester’s explanation 18 罗切斯特先生的解释 Sometime in the afternoon I recovered a little,but I felt faint as I stood up,and realized I had not eaten anything all day.So I opened my bedroom door and almost fell over Mr Rochester,who was sitting in a chair just outside. 下午不知什么时候,我感觉好些了,但站起来时仍感到头晕,我这才意识到我已一整天没吃一点儿东西了。于是我打开卧室的房门,几乎扑倒在就坐在门外椅子上的罗切斯特先生身上。 ’I’ve been waiting for you all this time,Jane,’he said.’And I haven’t heard you scream or shout or cry.Aren’t you angry with me?I never meant to hurt you.Will you ever forgive me?’ “简,我一直在等着你。”他说,“我没听到你叫喊或是哭泣。你不生我的气吗?我本无意伤害你。你能原谅我吗?” He sounded so sincere that I forgave him at once in my heart. 他说得那么真诚,我立刻就在心里原谅了他。 ’Scold me,Jane!Tell me how wicked I am!’he said. “简,骂我吧!告诉我我有多么坏!”他说。 ’Sir,I can’t.I feel tired and weak.I want some water.’ “先生,我不能。我感到很累、很虚。我想喝点水。” He took me in his arms and carried me downstairs to the library,where he put me in front of the fire,and gave me a glass of wine.I began to feel better.He bent to kiss me,but I turned my face determinedly away. 他双手将我抱起,将我抱到楼下的书房,把我放在炉火前,递上了一杯酒,我开始感到好些了。他俯身要吻我,但我断然把脸扭开了。 ’What!’he cried.’You refuse to kiss me!Because I’m Bertha Mason’s husband?Is that it?’ “怎么!”他喊道,“你拒绝吻我!因为我是伯莎·梅森的丈夫?是不是?” ’Yes,sir.’ “是的,先生。” ’I know you very well,Jane.I know how firm you are when you’ve decided something.You’re planning to destroy my hope of happiness.You intend to be a stranger to me from now on.And if I’m friendly towards you in future,you’ll remind yourself,“That man nearly made me his mistress—I must be ice-cold to him,”and ice-cold is what you’ll be.’ “简,我非常了解你。我知道如果你决心已下,你是不会动摇的。你打算毁掉我幸福的希望,你想从今往后和我成为陌路人。如果今后我对你友好,你会提醒自己:’这个人差点儿让我成了他的情妇——我必须对他冷若冰霜。’你的确会变得冷若冰霜的。” ’It’s true,sir,’I said,trying to stop my voice from trembling,’that everything around me has changed,so I must change too.Adele must have a new governess.’ “是这样,先生,”我说,努力控制住自己的声音不让它发抖。“我周围的一切的确都发生了变化,所以我也必须改变。阿黛拉必须有位新老师。” ’Oh,Adele will go to boarding school.I’ve already decided that.And you and I will both leave this house,this narrow stone hell,this house of living death.We can never be happy here,under the same roof as that woman.Oh,I hate her!’ “啊,阿黛拉去上寄宿学校,我已经决定了。你和我将离开这幢房子,这狭小的石头地狱,这活死人的宅郏在这里和那个女人在同一屋檐下,我们永远不会幸福。噢,我恨她!” ’You shouldn’t hate her,sir,’I said.’It’s not her fault she’s mad,poor thing.’ “先生,你不该恨她。”我说,“她疯了,可怜兮兮的,这并不是她的错。” ’Jane,my darling,it’s not because she’s mad that I hate her.If you were mad,I wouldn’t hate you.I’d look after you lovingly. But why talk of madness?We are all ready to travel,everything is packed.Tomorrow we’ll leave.I have a place to go to,where nobody will find us or talk about us—’ “简,亲爱的,我不是因为她疯而恨她。如果你疯了,我不会恨你,我会满怀爱心地照顾你。可是,为什么要说什么疯不疯的?我们已做好出发的准备,所有行李都整理好了,我们明天离开。我有一个地方可去,那儿没人找得到我们,也没人议论我们……” ’And take Adele with you,sir,she’ll be a companion for you,’I interrupted.I knew I had to tell him soon. “先生,带上阿黛拉吧,她会陪伴你。”我打断他。我知道我必须马上告诉他了。 ’Adele?What do you mean,Jane?She’s going to school.I don’t want her,I want you with me.Do you understand?’ “阿黛拉?简,你是什么意思?她要上学。我不需要她,我想和你在一起。你明白吗?” I did,but I slowly shook my head.He was becoming angry,and was staring fiercely atme.He looked as if he was about to lose control.I was not at all afraid,because I knew I still had the power to calm him.So I took his hand and stroked it,saying, 我明白,但我慢慢摇了摇头。他变得生气了,两眼狠狠地盯着我,他看上去好像快控制不住自己了。我一点儿不害怕,因为我知道我还有力量让他平静下来。于是我握住他的手,轻轻抚摸着,说: ’Sit down,sir,I’ll talk or listen to you as long as you like.’I had been struggling with tears for some time and now I let them flow freely.It was a great relief. “先生,坐下,只要你愿意,我可以一直跟你说话,听你讲话。”我一直努力抑制着眼泪,现在我随它流淌,心里非常轻松了。 ’Don’t cry,Jane,please be calm,’he begged. “简,别哭,请平静些。”他哀求着。 ’How can I be calm when you’re so angry?’ “你这么生气,我又如何能平静呢?” ’I’m not angry,but I love you so much,and your pale little face looked so stern and decided.’He tried to put his arm round me,but I would not let him. “我没有生气,可是我太爱你了。你苍白的小脸看上去那么严肃,坚决。”他想搂着我,我却不允许。 ’Jane!’he said sadly,’you don’t love me,then?’ “简!”他伤心地说,“那么你不爱我吗?” ’I do love you,’I answered,’more than ever, but this is the last time I can say it.There is only one thing for me to do,but you’ll be furious if I mention it .’ “我是爱你的。”我说,“比以往更爱你,不过这是我最后一次这样说了。我能做的只有一件事,但我说出来你会发怒的。” ’Oh, mention it!If I’m angry,you can always burst into tears,’he said, with a half-smile. “好了,说吧!如果我生气,你就哭好了。”他带着点笑意说。 ’Mr Rochester,I must leave you.I must start a new life among strangers.’ “罗切斯特先生,我必须离开你。我必须在陌生人中间开始新的生活。” ’Of course.I told you we would leave.I’ll ignore that nonsense about you leaving me.You’ll be Mrs Rochester and I’ll be your husband until I die.We’ll live happily and innocently together in a little white house I have in the south of France.Jane,don’t shake your head,or I’ll get angry.’ “当然,我跟你说过我们要离开的。我不理会什么你要离开我这类的胡说八道。你将是罗切斯特太太,我将是你的丈夫,直到死。我们将无忧无虑地、幸福地一起生活在我在法国南部购置的小白屋里。简,别摇头,否则我会生气的。” ’Sir,your wife is alive,’I dared to say,although he was looking aggressivelyat me,’and if I lived with you like that,I’d be your mistress.’ “先生,你的妻子还活着。”尽管他咄咄逼人地看着我,我还是壮着胆子说了出来。“如果我这样跟你生活在一起,我就是你的情妇。” ’I’m a fool!’he said suddenly.’I haven’t told you the whole story!Oh,I’m sure you’ll agree when you know everything!Listen,Jane,you know that my father loved money very much?’ “我是个傻瓜!”他突然说,“我还没把故事的全部告诉给你!噢,我敢肯定你了解一切后会同意的。简,听着。你知道我父亲非常爱财?” ’I heard someone say that,yes,sir.’ “是的,先生,我听别人说过。” ’Well,he hated the idea of dividing the family property,so he left it all to my elder brother.But that meant I would be poor unless I married a rich wife,so he decided I should marry Bertha Mason,the daughter of his wealthy friend Jonas Mason.I was young and easily impressed,so when I saw her in the West Indies,beautiful and elegantly dressed,I thought I loved her.What a fool I was then!After the wedding I learned that my bride’s mother and younger brother were both mad.Dick Mason will probably be in the same state one day.My father knew all this,but did not tell me.I soon found that Bertha and I had nothing in common.Not only was she coarse and stupid,hermadness also made her violent.I lived with her for four years.By now my father and brother were dead,so I was rich,but I considered myself poor,because I was tied to a mad wife until death.’ “好了,他很不愿意把家产分割开,于是就全部传给了我的哥哥。但这就意味着如果不娶个阔老婆,我就很穷,于是他决定我应该和伯莎·梅森结婚,她是他的富朋友乔那森·梅森的女儿。我当时年轻,很容易被迷住,所以当我在西印度群岛见到漂亮而又着装优雅的伯莎时,我以为我爱她。当时我真是个傻瓜!婚礼之后,我才得知新娘的妈妈和弟弟都疯了。迪克·梅森可能有一天也会这样。我父亲知道这一切,但没有告诉我。我很快就发现伯莎和我毫无共同之处。她不仅粗鲁、愚蠢,疯病还让她变得凶暴。我和她生活了四年。到那时我父亲和哥哥都去世了,所以我有钱了,但我仍认为自己是个穷汉,因为我至死都被拴在这个疯老婆身上了。” ’I pity you,sir,I do pity you.’ “我可怜你,先生。我真的可怜你。” ’Pity,Jane,is an insult from some people,but from you I accept it as the mother of love.Well,I had moments of despair when I intended to shoot myself,but in the end I decided to bring the mad woman back to Thornfield Hall,where nobody knew that we were married. She has lived here ever since. Even Mrs Fairfax and the servants don’t know the whole truth about her. But although I pay Grace Poole well,and trust her absolutely,she sometimes drinks too much and allows the creature to escape.Twice she has got out of her room at night,as you know.The first time she nearly burnt me in my bed,and the second time she visited you,and must have been reminded ofher own wedding day by seeing your wedding dress.’ “简,别人的可怜是一种侮辱,但你的可怜,我把它当作爱之源接受。我曾经绝望过,想开枪自杀,但最终还是决定把疯女人带回特恩费得,这儿谁也不知道我们结婚了。此后她一直住在这里,即使费尔法斯太太和仆人也不完全了解她的真相。但是尽管我给格丽丝·普尔的薪水丰厚,并绝对信任她,她有时喝得太多,让那东西跑了出来。她曾两次在夜间跑出她的房间,这你知道的。第一次她几乎把我烧死在床上,第二次她去找了你,看到你的婚纱她一定想起了自己的婚礼。” ’And what did you do,sir,when you had brought her here?’ “先生,你把她带到这儿来后又做了什么?” ’I travelled all over Europe,Jane.I was looking for a good and intelligent woman to love—’ “简,我游遍了欧洲。我在寻找一位善良、聪明的女人,去爱她——” ’But you couldn’t marry,sir,’ I interrupted. “但你却不能结婚,先生。”我打断他。 ’I believed I could.I thought I might find some reasonable woman who would understand my case and accept me.’ “我当时想我能。我以为我能找到一位理智的女人,理解我的处境,并接受我。” ’Well, sir,did you?’ “那么,先生,你找到了吗?” ’Not in Europe,Jane,where I spent ten long years looking for an ideal.I tried taking mistresses,like Celine,the French dancer.But finally,bitter and disappointed with my wasted life,I returned to Thornfield on a frosty winter afternoon.And when my horse slipped and fell on the ice,a little figure appeared and insisted on helping me.In the weeks that followed,I began to depend on that bird-like little figure for my happiness and new interest in life.’ “简,在欧洲没找到,我在那儿花了十年时间寻找一个偶像。我曾找过情妇,比如赛林娜,那个法国舞女。但是最终在我浪费了生命,感到痛苦而失望后,我在冬日一个雾蒙蒙的下午回到特恩费得。我的马滑倒在冰上时,一个小家伙出现了,还坚持要帮助我。以后的几个星期里,我开始依赖这个像鸟儿一样的小人来寻找我的幸福和对生活的新兴趣。” ’Don’t talk any more of the past,sir,’ I said,wiping a secret tear from my eyes. “先生,别再说过去这些了。”我说,擦去了不知不觉流出的眼泪。 ’No,Jane,you’re right,the future ismuch brighter.You understand now,don’t you?I’ve wasted half my life in misery and loneliness,but now I’ve found you.You are at the centre of my heart.It was stupidof me to try to marry you like that without explaining.Ishould have confessed everything,as I do now,and appealed to your great generosity of spirit.I promise to love you and stay with you for ever.Jane,promise me the same.’ “不,简,你是对的,未来会更加光明。现在你明白了,对不对?我在痛苦和孤独中虚度了前半生,但现在我找到了你,你在我心中。我不解释就要和你结婚,真是太傻了。我应该像现在这样坦白一切,然后请求你的宽容。我保证永远爱你,和你在一起。简,你也对我保证。” A pause.’Why are you silent,Jane?’ 一阵沉默。“简,你为什么不说话?” This was a terrible moment for me.In the struggle and confusion that was going on in my heart, I knew that he loved me and I loved him,but I also knew that I must leave him! 这对我是个可怕的时刻。我内心矛盾着,理不出头绪,我知道他爱我,我也爱他,但我也知道我必须离开他! ’Jane,just promise me,“I will be yours.”’ “简,就答应我,说:’我是你的。’” ’Mr Rochester,I will not be yours.’Another pause. “罗切斯特先生,我不是你的。”又一阵沉默。 ’Jane,’he said,with a gentleness that cut into my soul,’Jane,do you intend us to live apart for ever?’ “简,”他温柔的声音刺进我的心灵深处,“简,你想让我们俩永远分离吗?” ’I do.’ ’Jane,’(bending towards me and kissing me)’is that still your intention?’ “是的。”“简,”(他弯下腰来吻着我)“你还这么想吗?” ’It is,’I replied,pulling away from him “是的。”我回答说,并从他那儿挣脱出来。 ’Oh Jane,this is a bitter shock.It would not be wicked to love me.’ “噢,简,这真是一个痛苦的打击。爱我不是罪过埃” ’It would be wicked to do what you want.’ “做你想做的事就是罪过。” ’Jane,just imagine my horrible life when you have gone.I shall be alone with that mad woman upstairs.Where shall I find friendship,and hope?’ “简,想象一下你走后我的生活该多么可怕。我将独自伴着楼上的那个疯女人。我到哪里去寻找友谊、寻找希望?” ’You can only trust in God and yourself.Live without doing wrong,and die hoping to go to heaven.’ “你只能相信上帝和自己。活着时不要做错事,死去时希望进天堂。” ’That’s impossible without you!And…and you have no family to offend by living with me!’He was beginning to sound desperate.I knew that what he said was true.However,in my heart I also knew I was right to leave. “没有你这是不可能的!再说……你与我生活在一起也不会触怒什么家人。”他开始有些绝望。我知道他说的不错,但我内心也深知我离去是对的。 He seemed to read my thoughts.Rushing furiously across the room,he seized me violently and stared fiercely into my eyes.He could have broken me in two with one hand,but he could not break my spirit.Small and weak as I was(倒装),I stared firmly back at him. 他像看出了我的心思。他狂怒地冲过屋子,猛地抓住我,狠狠地盯着我的眼睛。他用一只手就能把我弄成两半,但他却无法动摇我的意志。尽管我又弱又小,我却坚定地和他对视着。 ’Your eyes,Jane,’he said,’are the eyes of a bird, a free,wild being:Even if I break your cage,I can’t reach you,beautiful creature!You’ll fly away from me.But you could choose to fly to me!Come,Jane,come!’He let me go,and only looked at me.How hard it was to resist that look! “简,你的眼睛,”他说,“是鸟的眼睛,一个自由的、野性的生命的眼睛。即使我打碎了你的笼子,我也够不到你这个美丽的生灵!你会飞走,离我而去。可你也可以选中向我飞来!来,简,来啊!”他放开我,只是看着我。要抵挡这目光是多么难啊! ’I am going,’I said. “我走了。”我说。 ’Does my deep love mean nothing to you?Oh Jane,my hope…my love…my life!’And he threw himself despairingly on the sofa.I had reached the door,but I could not leave.I walked back,bent over him,and kissed his cheek. “难道我深深的爱对你毫无意义?噢,简,我的希望……我的爱人……我的生命!”他绝望地倒在沙发里。我已到了门口,却不能离开。我又走回来,俯下身去,亲吻了他的脸颊。 ’Goodbye,my dear master!’I said.’May God protect you!’ “再见,我亲爱的主人!”我说,“愿上帝保护你!” ’Without your love,Jane,my heart is broken,’he said.’But perhaps you will,so generously,give me your love after all—’He jumped up with hope in his eyes,holding out his arms to me.But I turned and ran out of the room. “简,没有你的爱,我的心都碎了。”他说,“可是毕竟你也许还是可以慷慨地把你的爱给我……”他眼中充满希望地跳起来,向我张开双臂。然而,我转身跑出了房间。 That night I only slept a little,dreaming of the red room at Gateshead.The moonlight shone into my bedroom,as it did then,and I saw a vision on the ceiling,a white figure looking down on me.It seemed to whisper to my spirit,’Daughter,leave now before you are tempted to stay.’ 那一夜我睡得很少。我梦到了盖茨赫德的红房子。月光照进我的卧室——当时也确实有月光,我看到天花板上有一个白色影子正向下看着我。它好像对我的灵魂悄声说:“女儿,现在就离开,免得你又受诱惑留下来。” ’Mother,I will,’I answered.And when I woke up,although it was still dark outside,I wrappedup some spare clothes in a parcel,and put a little money in a purse.As I crept downstairs,I could hear Mr Rochester in his room,walking up and down and sighing.I could find heaven in this room if I wanted.I just had to enter and say,’I will love you and live with you through life until death!’My hand moved towards the handle.But I stopped myself,and went miserably downstairs and out of the house. “妈妈,我会的。”我答道。我醒来时,虽然外面天还黑着,还是将几件换洗衣服放进包裹,然后在钱包里装了点儿钱。我蹑手蹑脚下楼时,听到罗切斯特先生在他房间里,一边来回踱步,一边叹息不已。如果我愿意,我就可以在那间屋里找到天堂。我只消进去说:“我将爱你,和你一起生活到生命的终结。”我的手向门把移去,但我阻止了自己,痛苦地走下楼梯,走出了房子。 Setting out on the road,I could not help thinking ofMr Rochester’s despair when he found himself abandoned.I hated myself for wounding him,and for perhaps driving him to a life of wickedness,or even death.I wanted desperately to be with him,to comfort him,but somehow I made myself keep walking,and when a coach passed,I arranged to travel on it as far as my money would pay for.Inside the coach I cried the bitterest tears of my life. 上路后,我忍不住要想罗切斯特先生发现自己被抛弃后该是多么绝望。我恨自己伤害了他,或许又让他去过邪恶的生活甚至死去。我渴望和他在一起,安慰他,但不知怎么我还是逼着自己向前走。马车路过时,我打算让自己走到旅费所能负担的最远的地方。马车内,我流下了一生中最伤心的泪。 Chapter 19 Part Four A woman at Moor House 19 Finding shelter 在摩尔屋 19 寻找栖身地 I was put down at Whitcross,a crossroads on the moor,after travelling for two days in the coach.As it rolled away,I realized I had left my parcel inside,and given the coachman all the coins in my purse.I was alone on the open moor,with no money or possessions.Lonely white roads stretchedacross the great,wide moors as far as the hills.I was glad to see there were no towns here,because I did not want people to question me or pity me.So I walked across the moor,until I found a dry place to sleep,in the shelter of a small hill.Luckily it was a warm night,with no rain.The next day was hot and sunny,but I needed food and water,so I could not stay on the moor. 乘马车行进了两天后,我在威特考斯下车,一个沼泽地上的十字路口。马车走后我才意识到自己把包裹忘在了车上,钱包里的所有硬币又都给了车夫。我孤零零地站在旷野上,身无分文,一无所有。白色的道路孤独地延伸在广阔的草地上,一直通到山脚下。我很高兴这里看不到乡镇,因为我不想让别人问我或是可怜我。于是我走过沼泽地,直到在小山脚下的避风处找到一块可以睡觉的干地方。所幸夜晚是温暖的,没有下雨。第二天,阳光灿烂,天气很热,但我需要食物和水,所以不能再在沼泽地上待下去。 Taking one of the white roads,I eventually found a small village.I needed all my courage to knock on some of the doors,asking if there was any paid work I could do.None of the village people could help me,and I could not bring myself to beg for food,although by now I felt weak and faint.At the baker’s I offered to exchange my leather gloves for a small cake,but the baker’s wife looked at my dirty clothes and said,’I’m sorry,but how do I know you haven’t stolen them?’All I ate that day was a piece of bread,which I begged from a farmer eating his supper.I spent another night on the moor,but this time the air was cold and the ground was damp. 我沿着一条白茫茫的路走着,终于找到一个小村子。我鼓起自己所有的勇气,敲响了一些人家的门,打听是否有什么能挣钱的活可干。村里没人能帮助我;而且尽管我感到虚弱头晕,却不能让自己去乞讨。在面包店,我想用皮手套换一小块点心,但面包师的妻子却看着我的脏衣服说:“对不起,可我怎么知道这不是你偷的呢?”一整天我只吃了一片面包,是从一个正吃晚饭的农民那儿讨来的。我在沼泽地上又过了一夜,但这夜天凉了,地上湿乎乎的。 Next day I walked from house to house again,looking in vain for work.I was now very weak from lack of food,and I began to wonder why I should struggle to stay alive,when I did not want to live. 第二天,我又挨家挨户地去找工作,一无所获。现在我因为没有食物已变得非常虚弱,不想活了时开始纳闷自己为什么还拼命地要活着。 It was getting dark again,and I was alone on the moor.In the distance I could see a faint light,and I decided to try to reach it.The wind and rain beatdown on me,and I fell down several times,but finally I arrived at a long,low house,standing rather isolated in the middle of the moor.Hiding near the door,I could just see into the kitchen through a small uncurtainedwindow.There was an elderly woman,who might be the housekeeper,mending clothes,and two young ladies,who seemed to be learning a language with dictionaries.The kitchen looked so clean and bright,and the ladies so kind and sensible,that I dared to knock at the door.The elderly woman opened it,but she must have thought I was a thief or a beggar,because she refused to let me speak to the young ladies.The door closed firmly,shutting me out from the warmth inside. 天又黑了,我只身一人在沼泽地上。看到远处有微弱的灯光,便决定到那儿去。风裹着雨打在我的身上,我跌倒了好几次,但终于还是走到了一幢孤零零立在沼泽地中间的长长的矮房子前。我藏在门边,只能从一个没挂帘子的小窗看到厨房。一位上年纪的妇人,可能是管家,正在补衣服,还有两个年轻姑娘似乎正借助字典学外语。厨房看上去干净明亮,姑娘们显得那么善良知理,于是我壮着胆子敲了门。年长的妇人开了门,但她一定以为我是一个小偷或乞丐,因为她不让我和两位年轻姑娘讲话。门紧紧关上了,把我和屋里的温暖断然隔开。 I dropped on to the wet doorstep,worn out and hopeless,prepared to die.There the young ladies’ brother found me,when he returned home a few minutes later,and he insisted,much against the housekeeper’s wishes,on bringing me into the house.They gave me bread and milk,and asked my name. 我倒在潮湿的台阶上,精疲力竭,不抱任何希望,只等着死。几分钟后,年轻姑娘的哥哥从外面回来,在这儿发现了我。他不听管家的话,坚持要把我抬到屋里。他们给了我面包和牛奶,还问我叫什么名字。 ’Jane Elliott,’I replied.I did not want anybody to know where I had come from.To their further questions I answered that I was too tired to speak.Finally they helped me upstairs to a bedroom,and I sank gratefullyinto a warm,dry bed. “简·艾略特,”我回答说。我不愿让任何人知道我是从哪里来的。他们又问了其他问题,我只是说我太累了,不想说话。最后,她们扶我上楼到卧室休息,我感激地躺到了温暖的、干燥的床上。 For three days and nights I lay in bed,exhausted by my experiences,and hardly conscious of my surroundings.As I was recovering,Hannah,the housekeeper,came to sit with me,and told me all about the family.She had known them since they were babies.Their mother had been dead for years,and their father had died only three weeks before.The girls,Diana and Mary Rivers,had to work as governesses,as their father had lost a lot of money in business.St John,their brother,was the vicar in the nearest village,Morton.They only used this house,called Moor House,in the holidays. 三天三夜,我由于劳累过度一直躺在床上,几乎不知道我周围的一切。随着我渐渐好转,管家汉娜就来陪我坐坐,并跟我讲这家人的事情。他们还在儿时,汉娜就认识他们。他们的母亲已去世多年,而父亲在三个星期前刚刚死去。两个女孩戴安娜和玛丽·李维斯不得不做家庭教师,因为他们父亲的生意亏了大本,她们的哥哥圣约翰是最近的村子莫顿的牧师。她们只是在假期里才住在这幢叫摩尔屋的房子里。 When I felt strong enough to get dressed and go downstairs,Diana and Mary looked after me very kindly,and made me feel welcome in their pleasant home.Their brother,however,seemed stern and cold.He was between twenty-eight and thirty,fair-haired and extremely handsome.Diana and Mary were curious about my past,but sensitive enough to avoid asking questions which would hurt me.St John,on the other hand,made determined efforts to discover who I was,but I,just as firmly,refused to explain more than necessary.I told them only that,after attending Lowood school,I became a governess in a wealthy family,where an unfortunate event,not in any way my fault,caused me to run away.That was all I was prepared to say.I offered to do any kind of work,teaching,sewing,cleaning,so that I could become independent again.St John approved of my keennessto work,and promised to find me some paid employment. 我有力气穿好衣服下楼时,戴安娜和玛丽和善地照顾着我,让我觉得在这个和睦的家中是受欢迎的。但她们的哥哥却似乎严肃而冷漠。他约莫28到30岁,金发,非常英浚戴安娜和玛丽对我的过去感到好奇,但却敏感地不提及可能伤害我的问题。另一方面,圣约翰却坚持不懈地想要搞清我究竟是谁,而我也坚决地拒绝做出没有必要的解释。我只告诉他们在洛伍德上学之后,我到一个富人家做家庭教师,一件不幸的事使我跑掉了,但那绝不是由于我的过错。我就准备说这些。我提出什么事我都愿做,教书、缝补、清洗,只要能再次独立。圣约翰赞同我对工作的迫切要求,答应帮我找份挣钱的工作。 Chapter 20 20 A new home 20 一个新家 I spent a month at Moor House,in an atmosphere of warm friendship.I learned to love what Diana and Mary loved the little old grey house,the wild open moors around it,and the lonely hills and valleys wherewe walked for hours.I read the books they read,and we discussed them eagerlyDiana started teaching me German,and I helped Mary to improve her drawing.We three shared the same interests and opinions,and spent the days and evenings very happily together. 在摩尔屋,我在温暖的友情中度过了一个月。我开始喜欢戴安娜以及玛丽所喜欢的——这个小小的灰色老屋,周围的开阔草地,孤零零的山丘和河谷,我们常去那里散步,一去便是几个钟头。我读她们读的书,然后大家一起热烈地讨论。戴安娜开始教我德文,我则帮助玛丽提高她的素描。我们三人有共同的兴趣和一致的想法,白天晚上都高高兴兴地待在一起。 However,St John hardly ever joined in our activities.He was often away from home,visiting the poor and the sick in Morton.His strong sense of duty made him insist on going,even if the weather was very bad.But despite his hard work I thought he lackedtrue happiness and peace of mind.He often stopped reading or writing to stare into the distance,dreaming perhaps of some ambitiousplan.Once I heard him speak at a church service in Morton,and although he was an excellent speaker,there was a certain bitterness and disappointment in his words.He was clearly not satisfied with his present life. 但是,圣约翰却很少参加我们的活动。他常常出门,去看望莫顿的穷人和病人。他强烈的责任心使他即使在天气恶劣的时候也一定要去。然而尽管他工作很努力,我仍觉得他缺少真正的幸福和安宁的心绪。他常常停止读书或写作,呆呆地盯着远处,可能梦想着什么宏伟的计划。一次我听到他在莫顿的教堂里布道,尽管他很有口才,我却听出他话语中的某种痛苦和失望。他显然不满足于现在的生活。 The holiday was coming to an end.Soon Diana and Mary would leave Moor House to return to the wealthy families in the south,where they were both governesses,and St John would go back to the vicar's house in Morton,with Hannah,his housekeeper.Although,his cold manner made it difficult for me to talk to him,I had to ask him whether he had found any employment for me. 假期要结束了。不久戴安娜和玛丽都要离开摩尔屋,回到南方的富人家,继续做家庭教师。圣约翰要带着管家汉娜回到以莫顿的牧师的身份住的屋里去。尽管他举止冷漠,让我很难与他搭话,我还是得问他是否为我找到了工作。 'I have,'he answered slowly,'but remember I am only a poor country vicar,and can't offer you a job with a high salary,so you may not wish to accept it.There's already a school for boys in Morton,and now I want to open one for girls,so I've rented a building for it,with a small small cottage for the schoolteacher.Miss Oliver,who lives in the area and is the only daughter of a rich factory-owner,has kindly paid for the furniture.Will you be the schoolteacher?You would live in the cottage rent-free,and receive thirty pounds a year,no more. “找到了。”他慢慢地说。“但不要忘了我只是个乡下的穷牧师,不可能给你一份薪水高的工作,所以你可能不愿接受。在莫顿已有一所男孩子上的学校,现在我想为女孩子办所学校。因此我已租好了校舍,其中有教师住的小房于。奥利弗小姐住在这一带,是一个富裕的工厂主的女儿,她好心买来了家具。你能做教师吗?你可以免费住在小房子里,每年可得30镑,不会更多。” I thought about it for a moment.It was not as good as being a governess in an important family,but at least I would have no master.I would be free and independent. 我考虑了一会儿。和在大家庭中做家庭教师相比,这不算好,但至少我没有什么主人了,我是自由和自立的。 'Thank you,Mr Rivers,I accept gladly,'I replied. “谢谢,李维斯先生,我很乐意接受。”我说。 'But you do understand?'he asked,a little worried.'It will only be a village school.The girls will be poor and uneducated.You'll be teaching reading,writing,counting,sewing,that's all.There'll be no music or languages or painting.' “但是你明白吗?”他有些担心地问。“这只是一所乡村小学。女孩子们很穷,没有受过教育。你要同时教阅读、写作、算术和缝纫。没有音乐、语言或绘画课。” 'I understand,and I'll be happy to do it,'I answered. “我明白,我乐意做。”我答道。 He smiled,well satisfied with me. 他微笑着,对我非常满意。 'And I'll open the school tomorrow,if you like,'I added. “如果你愿意,我明天就开学。”我补充道。 'Very good,'he agreed.Then looking at me,he said,'But I don't think you'll stay long in the village.' “很好。”他应和着,然后看着我说:“但我觉得你在村里不会久留的。” 'Why not?I'm not ambitious,although I think you are.' “为什么呢?我没有什么雄心壮志,不过我觉得你有。” He looked surprised.'I know I am,but how did you discover that?No,I think you won't be satisfied by living alone.You need people to make you happy.'He said no more. 他看上去很吃惊。“我知道我有,可你是怎么发现的?不,我觉得你不会满足于孤独的生活,你需要别人给你带来快乐。”他没再说什么。 Diana and Mary lost their usual cheerfulness as the moment for leaving their home and their brother came closer. 随着离家和离开哥哥的日子一天天临近,戴安娜和玛丽渐渐失去了平日的欢乐。 'You see,Jane,'Diana explained,'St John is planning to become a missionary very soon.He feels his purpose in life is to spread the Christian religion in unexploredplaces where the people have never heard the word of God.So we won't see him for many years,perhaps never again!He looks quiet,Jane,but he's very determined.I know he's doing God's work,but it will break my heart to see him leave!'And she broke down in tears. “简,你知道,”戴安娜解释道。“圣约翰计划不久去做传教士。他认为自己生命的意义在于把基督教传播到人们从未听说过上帝之言的蛮荒之地去。所以我们好几年都将见不到他,甚至可能再也见不到了。简,他看上去文静,但却很坚定。我知道他为上帝工作,但看他离去让我心都碎了。”她哭了出来。 Mary wiped her own tears away,as she said,'We've lost our father.Soon we'll lose our brother too!' 玛丽擦着自己的眼泪,说:“我们失去了父亲,不久又要失去哥哥!” Just then St John himself entered,reading a letter.'Our uncle John is dead,'he announced.The sisters did not look shocked or sad,but seemed to be waiting for more information.St John gave them the letter to read,and then they all looked at each other,smiling rather tiredly. 正在这时圣约翰读着一封信走了进来,“咱们的舅舅约翰去世了。”他宣布说。两姊妹看上去既不吃惊也不悲伤,却似乎在等着什么下文。圣约翰把信递给她们看,然后她们相互对视一眼,疲倦地笑了。 'Well,'said Diana,'at least we have enough money to live on.We don't really need any more.' “好了,”戴安娜说,“至少我们有足够的钱生活下去。我们真的不需要那么多。” 'Yes,'said St John,'but unfortunately we can imagine how different our lives might have been.'He went out.There was a silence for a few minutes,then Diana turned to me,'Jane,you must be surprised that we don't show any sadness at our uncle's death.I must explain.We've never met him.He was my mother's brother,and he and my father quarrelled years ago about a business deal.That's when my father lost most of his money.My uncle,on the other hand,made a fortune of twenty thousand pounds,As he never married and had no relations apart from us and one other person,my father always hoped we would inherituncle John's money.But it seems this other relation has inherited his whole fortune.Of course we shouldn't have expected anything,but Mary and I would have felt rich with only a thousand pounds each,and St John would have been able to help more poor people!'She said no more,and none of us referred tothe subject again that evening. “是的。”圣约翰说。“但不幸的是我们能想像出我们的生活是多么不一样。”他出去了。沉默了几分钟后,戴安娜对我说:“简,我们对舅舅的死显不出一点儿悲哀,你不必惊讶。我必须解释一下。我们从未见过他。他是我母亲的一个兄弟,多年前他和我父亲因为生意上的事大吵了一常那时我父亲亏了很多钱,而我舅舅却发了财,赚了20 000英镑。他从未结婚,除我们和另一个人之外也没有亲戚,我父亲一直希望我们能继承约翰舅舅的财产。但是似乎另一个人已继承了他的全部遗产。当然我们本不该指望什么,但如果每人有1 000英镑,玛丽和我就会觉得很富裕了,圣约翰也能帮助更多的穷人了。”她没有再说下去,那天晚上谁也没再提起此事。 The next day the Rivers family returned to their separate places of work,and I moved to the cottage in Morton. 第二天,李维斯一家各自回到不同的工作地点,而我则搬到莫顿的小屋子去了。 Chapter 21 21 Mr Rivers’sacrifice 21 李维斯先生的代价 I had twenty village girls to teach,some of them with such a strong country accent that I could hardly communicate with them.Only three could read,and none could write,so at the end of my first day Ifelt quite depressed at the thought of the hard work ahead of me.But I reminded myself that I was fortunate to have any sort of job,and that I would certainly get used to teaching these girls,who,although they were very poor,might be as good and as intelligent as children from the greatest families in England. 我给村里的二十个女孩儿上课,有些女孩儿乡下口音很重,我几乎无法和她们交流。只有三人会读书,没有人会写字。所以第一天下来,想到摆在我面前的艰苦工作,我感到非常沮丧。但是我提醒自己能找到任何一份工作对我来说都是幸运的,我一定能习惯教这些孩子,她们尽管很穷,但可能和来自英格兰大家族的孩子一样好,一样聪明。 Ever since I ran away from Thornfield,Mr Rochester had remained in my thoughts,and now,as I stood at my cottage door that first evening,looking at the quiet fields,I allowed myself to imagine again the life I could have had with him in his little white house in the south of France.He would have loved me,oh yes,he would have loved me very much for a while.’He did love me,’I thought,’nobody will ever love me like that again.’But then I told myself that I would only have been his mistress,in a foreign country,and for a short time,until he grew tired of me.I should be much happier here as a schoolteacher,free and honest,in the healthy heart of England.But strangely enough,St John Rivers found me crying as he approached the cottage.Frowning at the sight of the tears on my cheeks,he asked me, 自从离开特恩费得后,罗切斯特先生一直留在我的脑海里。现在,我在这第一个夜晚站在小屋门口,望着静静的田野,任由自己想象着在法国南部的小白屋里我们会过怎样一种生活。他会爱我。噢,是的,他会一时非常爱我。“他的确爱过我。”我想。“再不会有谁像他那样爱我。”但是我又告诫自己,我只能成为他在异国的情妇,时间不会长,直到他厌倦我了。在这里做教师,生活在英格兰健康的腹地,我会更快活、自由和实在。可奇怪的是当圣约翰来到小屋时,他却发现我在哭泣。他看着我脸颊上的泪痕,皱着眉头问: ’Do youregret accepting this job,then?’ “那么你后悔了?” ’Oh no,’I replied quickly,’I’m sure I’ll get used to it soon.And I’m really very grateful to have a home,and work to do.After all,I had nothing a few weeks ago.’ “噢,不,”我赶紧说,“我相信我很快会适应的。而且有了家,有了工作,我真的非常感激。无论如何,几星期前我还是一无所有呢!” ’But you feel lonely,perhaps?’he asked,still puzzled. “也许你感到孤独?”他仍然不解地问。 ’I haven’t had time to feel lonely yet.’ “我还没有时间去感受孤独。” ’Well,I advise you to work hard,and not to look back into your past.If something which we know is wrong tempts us,then we must make every effort to avoid it,by putting our energy to better use.A year ago I too was very miserable,because I was bored by the routine life of a country vicar,and I was tempted to change my profession.But suddenly there was light in my darkness,and God called me to be a missionary.No profession could be greater than that!Since that moment of truth,I have been perfectly happy,making my preparations for leaving England and going abroadin the service of God.Happy,that is,except for one little human weakness,which I have sworn to overcome.’ “那么我建议你努力工作,不要去回首往事。如果我们明知是错误的东西在引诱我们,我们就必须尽一切努力避免它,把精力放在更有意义的方面。一年前我也非常痛苦,因为乡村牧师的单调生活让我感到厌倦,我起了换个工作的念头。然而黑暗中突然出现了光明,上帝召唤我去做一名传教士。没有什么职业比这更伟大了!从那个真理显现的时刻起,我就一直非常快乐,准备着离开英格兰,到国外去为上帝效力。这就是快乐,除此之外,我还有一个人性的小弱点需要克服。” His eyes shone as he spoke of his great purpose in life,and I was listening,fascinated,so neither of us heard the light footsteps approaching the cottage along the grassy path. 他讲述自己的远大人生目标时,眼睛都亮了,我听着,非常激动,因此我们谁也没有听到沿着长满小草的路走向小屋的脚步声。 ’Good evening,Mr Rivers,’said a charming voice,as sweet as a bell.St John jumped as if hit between the shoulders,then turned slowly and stiffly to face the speaker.A vision in white,with a young,girlish figure,was standing beside him.When she threw back her veil,she revealed a face of perfect beauty.St John glanced quickly at her,but dared not look at her for long.He kept his eyes on the ground as he answered,’A lovely evening,but it’s late for you to be out alone.’ “晚上好,李维斯先生。”有人说道,声音优美动人,如银铃般甜美。圣约翰一抖,好像被人从背后打了一下,然后慢慢地、僵硬地转过身去对着来人。他身后站着一个身穿白衣、年轻、有着少女般体态的人。当她撩起面纱时,她现出了姣好完美的面容。圣约翰迅速瞥了她一眼,却不敢长时间看她。他一直盯着脚下回答道:“夜很美,但太晚了,你不该单独出来。” ’Oh,Father told me you’d opened the new girls’school,so I simply had to come to meet the new schoolteacher.That must be you,’she said to me,smiling.’Do you like Morton?And your pupils?And your cottage?’I realized this must be the rich Miss Oliver who hadgenerously furnished my cottage. “噢,父亲告诉我你已开办了新的女童学校,所以我必须来见见新老师。一定是你了。”她笑着对我说。“你喜欢莫顿吗?还有你的学生呢?你的小屋呢?”我意识到这一定是有钱的奥利弗小姐,她慷慨地为我的小屋提供了家具。 ’Yes,indeed Miss Oliver,’’I replied.’I’m sure ’I’ll enjoy teaching here.And I like my cottage very much.’ “的确喜欢,奥利弗小姐。”我答道。“我肯定会喜欢在这里教书,并且我非常喜欢我的小屋。” ’I’ll come and help you teach sometimes.I get so bored at home!Mr Rivers, I’ve been away visiting friends,you know.I’ve had such fun!I was dancing with the officersuntil two o’clock this morning!They’re all so charming!’ “我有时会来帮你教书的,我在家里待得无聊。李维斯先生,我出门看朋友去了,过得非常愉快!我一直和军官们跳舞到凌晨两点钟。他们都太迷人了!” St John’s facelooked sterner than usual and his lip curled in disapproval,as he lifted his handsome head and looked straight into Miss Oliver’s laughing eyes.He breathed deeply and his chest rose,as if his heart wanted to fly out ofits cage,but he said nothing,and after a pause Miss Oliver continued,’Do come and visit my father,Mr Rivers.Why don’t you ever come?’ 当圣约翰抬起英俊的脸而直视奥利弗小姐一双满含笑意的脸时,他的脸比平时变得更加严肃,嘴角向下撇着表示不以为然。他深深地吸了一口气,胸膛鼓了起来,好像他的心要飞出牢笼一般,然而他什么也没说。沉默一阵后,奥利弗小姐继续说:“请一定来看望我父亲,李维斯先生。你为什么不来呢?” ’I can’t come,Miss Rosamund.’It seemed clear to me thatSt John had to struggle with himself to refuse this smiling invitation. “罗莎蒙特小姐,我不能去。”我明显看出圣约翰必须努力克制自己,不接受这带着微笑的邀请。 ’Well,if you don’t want to,I must go home then. “好吧,如果你不想去,我就得回家了。 Goodbye!’She held out her hand.He just touched it,his hand trembling. 再见!”她伸出手去。他只是碰了碰,手直发抖。 ’Goodbye!’he said in a low,hollow voice,his face as white as a sheet.They walked away in different directions.She turned back twice to look at him,but he did not turn round at all. “再见!”他用空落落的声音低声说,脸也变得像纸一样苍白。他们朝不同的方向走去。她两次回过头来看着他,而他根本没有转过一次身。 The sight of another person’s suffering and sacrifice stopped me thinking so much about my own problems.I had plenty of opportunities to observe St John and Miss Oliver together.Every day St John taught one Bible lesson at the school,and Miss Oliver,who knew her power over him,always chose that particular moment to arrive at the school door,in her most attractive riding dress.She used to walk past the rows of admiring pupils towards the young vicar,smiling openly at him.He just stared at her,as if he wanted to say,’ I love you,and I know you love me.If I offered you my heart,I think you’d accept.But my heart is already promised as a sacrifice to God.’But he never said anything,and she always turned sadly away like a disappointed child.No doubt he would have given the world to call her back,but he would not give his chance of heaven. 看到别人的痛苦和牺牲,使我暂时不再去想自己的问题。我有很多机会观察圣约翰和奥利弗小姐。每天圣约翰在学校上一次圣经课,而奥利弗小姐明白自己对他的影响力,总是挑这个时候,穿着迷人的骑装,来到学校门口。她常常在孩子们钦慕的注视下走向年轻的牧师,毫不掩饰地向他微笑着。他只是注视着她,好像想说:“我爱你,我也知道你爱我。如果我把心交给你,我想你会接受的,但我的心已经答应奉献给上帝。”可他从来不说什么,而她也总是像个失望的孩子一样伤心地离去。毫无疑问他可以放弃世上的一切唤她回来,但却不能放弃他进入天堂的机会。 When I discovered that Miss Oliver’s father greatly admired the Rivers family,and would have no objectionto her marrying a vicar,I decided to try to persuade St John to marry her.I thought he could do more good with Miss Oliver’s money in England than as a missionary under the baking sun in the East. 我发现奥利弗小姐的父亲非常尊重李维斯一家,决不会反对女儿嫁给一个牧师,便决定说服奥利弗和她结婚。我觉得,与在东方的骄阳下做什么传教士相比,他有了奥利弗小姐的财产,可以在英格兰做更多善事。 My chance came some weeks later,when he visited me one November evening in my little cottage.He noticed a sketch I had been doing of Miss Oliver,and could not take his eyes off it. 几个星期后,我找到了机会。11月的一个晚上,他到小屋来看我。他注意到我为奥利弗小姐画的一幅素描,无法把目光从上面移开。 ’I could paint you an exact copy,’I said gently,’if you admit that you would like it.’ “如果你承认你喜欢,我可以为你画一幅更细的。”我轻声说。 ’She’s so beautiful!’he murmured,still looking at it.’I would certainly like to have it.’ “她太美了!”他喃喃地说,目光仍然盯着画。“我当然愿意要一张。” ’She likes you,I’m sure,’I said,greatly daring,’and her father respects you.You ought to marry her.’ “我敢肯定她喜欢你。”我大胆地说。“他父亲也尊重你,你应该娶她。” ’It’s very pleasant to hear this,’he said,not at all shocked by my honesty.’I shall allow myself fifteen minutes to think about her.’And he actually put his watch on the table,and sat back in his chair,closing his eyes.’Married to the lovely Rosamund Oliver!Let me just imagine it!My heart is full of delight!’And there was silence for a quarter of an hour until he picked up his watch,and put the sketch back on the table. “很高兴听你这么说。”他说,一点儿也不为我的坦率感到惊讶。“我给我自己十五分钟来想她。”他真的将表放在桌上,然后靠到椅子上,闭上了眼睛。“和可爱的罗莎蒙特·奥利弗小姐结婚!让我想像一下吧!我心中充满了快乐!”一刻钟里寂静无声,然后他拿起手表,把素描放回桌上。 ’Temptation has a bitter taste,’he said,shaking his head.’I can’t marry her.You see,although I love her so deeply,I know that Rosamund would not make a good wife for a missionary. “诱惑是苦涩的。”他摇着头说。“我不能和她结婚。你知道,尽管我深深地爱着她,但我知道罗莎蒙特不会成为一个传教士的好妻子。” ’But you needn’t be a missionary!’I cried. “可你不一定非做传教士啊!”我叫道。 ’Indeed I must!It’s the great work God has chosen me to do!I shall carry with me into the darkest corners of the world knowledge,peace,freedom,religion,the hope of heaven!That is what I live for,and what I shall die for!’ “我当然必须做!这是上帝选择我去做的伟大工作!我要给世界上最黑暗的角落带去知识、和平、自由、宗教和天堂的希望。我为此而生,也将为此而死!” ’What about Miss Oliver?’I asked after a moment.’She may be very disappointed if you don’t marry her.’ “那奥利弗小姐怎么办?”我过了一会儿问。“你不娶她,她可能会非常失望。” ’Miss Oliver will forget me in a month,and will probably marry someone who’ll make her far happier than I ever could!’ “奥利弗小姐一个月后就会把我忘掉,可能会嫁给一个比我更能使她幸福的人!” ’You speak calmly,but I know you’re suffering.’ “你说起来轻松,但我知道你很痛苦。” ’You are original,’he said,looking surprised.He had clearly not imagined that men and women could discuss such deep feelings together.’But believe me,I have overcome this weakness of mine,and become as hard as a rock.My only ambition now is to serve God.’As he picked uphis hat before leaving,something on a piece of paper on the table caught his eye.He glanced at me,then tore off a tiny piece very quickly,and with a rapid Goodbye!’rushed out of the cottage.I could not imagine what he had found to interest him so much. “你真有创见!”他惊奇地说。显然他想像不出男女之间还可以一起讨论这样深层的情感问题。“不过,相信我,我已经克服了自己的这个弱点,变得如顽石般坚强。我现在唯一的志向就是为上帝服务。”他拿起帽子正要离去,桌上纸上的什么东西吸引了他的注意力。他看了我一眼,然后迅速撕下一个小角。他匆匆说声“再见!”便冲出了小屋。我搞不清他发现了什么让他这么感兴趣的东西。 Chapter 22 22 Suddenwealth 22 财从天降 When St John left,it was beginning to snow,and it continued snowing all night and all the next day.In the evening I sat by my fire,listening to the wind blowing outside,and had just started reading when I heard a noise.The wind,I thought,was shaking the door,but no,it was St John,who came in out of the frozen darkness,his coat covered in snow. 圣约翰离开时,天下起雪来,持续了一晚上和第二天一天。晚上,我坐在炉边,听着屋外呼啸的风声。我正要开始看书,突然听到什么响动。我想是风吹动门的声音吧,但不是,是圣约翰。他从寒夜中走进来,身上披满雪花。 ’what’s happened?’I cried,amazed.’I thought nobody would be out in weather like this!What’s the matter?’ “出了什么事?”我惊讶地问。“我以为没人会在这种鬼天气里外出。怎么啦?” ’There’s nothing wrong,’he answered calmly,hanging up his coat,and stamping the snow from his boots.’I just came to have a little talk to you.Besides,since yesterday I’ve been eager to hear the other half of your story.’He sat down.Ihad no idea what he was referring to,and rememberinghis strange behaviour with the piece of paper,I began to fear that he might be going mad.He looked quite normal,however,and we made conversation for a while,although he seemed to be thinking of something else. “没出什么事。”他平静地说,一边挂好帽子,并跺掉靴子上的积雪。“我只是要跟你谈谈。另外,从昨天开始,我很想听听你的另外一部分故事。”他坐了下来。我摸不清他指的是什么,想起他昨晚撕纸的奇怪举动,我开始担心他是不是要疯了。但是,他看上去一切正常,我们说了会儿话,不过他显然在想着别的事情。 Suddenly he said,’When I arrived I said I wanted to hear the rest of your story.But perhaps it’s better if I tell the story.I’m afraid you’ve heard it before,but listen anyway.Twenty years ago a poor vicar fell in love with a rich man’s daughter.She also fell in love with him,and married him,against the advice of all her family.Sadly,less than two years later the couple were both dead.I’ve seen their grave.Their baby daughter was brought up by an aunt,a Mrs Reed of Gateshead.You jumped— did you hear a noise? I’ll continue.I don’t know whether the child was happy with Mrs Reed,but she stayed there ten years,until she went to Lowood school,where you were yourself.In fact,it seems her life was quite similar to yours.She became a teacher at Lowood,as you did,and then became a governess in the house of a certain Mr Rochester.’ 突然,他说:“我刚才到的时候,说我想听听你另一部分故事,不过也许由我来讲更好。也许你以前听过,但还是再听听吧!二十年前,一个穷牧师爱上了一个富家的女儿,女孩也爱上了他,和他结了婚,违背了家庭的意愿。不幸的是,不到两年,他们便双双去世。我曾见到他们的墓。他们的小女儿由舅妈——盖茨赫德的里德太太抚养长大。你抖了一下,是听到什么动静了吗?我接着说。我不知道孩子跟着里德太太生活得是否幸福,但她在那儿住了十年,直到去洛伍德上学。你也在那儿待过。实际上,她的生活经历似乎和你很像。然后,她成了一位罗切斯特先生家的家庭教师。” ’Mr Rivers!’I interrupted,unable to keep silent. “李维斯先生!”我无法再保持沉默,打断了他。 ’I can imagine how you feel,’he replied,’but wait till I’ve finished.I don’t know anything about Mr Rochester’s character,but I do know that he offered tomarry this young girl,who only discovered during the wedding ceremony that he was in fact already married,to a mad woman.The governess disappeared soon after this,and although investigations have been carried out,and advertisements placed in newspapers,and every effort made to find her,nobody knows where she’s gone.But she must be found!Mr Briggs,a lawyer,has something very important to tell her.’ “我能够想像你的感受,”他答道。“不过,还是先听我说完。我不了解罗切斯特先生的性格,但他提出要娶这位年轻姑娘。姑娘是在婚礼上才发现他已经结婚,妻子是个疯女人。此后不久家庭教师很快失踪了。尽管进行了调查,报上登了启事,用尽了一切办法寻找她,还是没人知道她的下落。但是,必须要找到她!律师布莱格斯先生有重要的事要跟她说。” ’Just tell me one thing,’I said urgently.’What about Mr Rochester?How and where is he?What’s he doing?Is he well?’ “就告诉我一件事。”我急切地说。“罗切斯特先生怎么了?他现在怎么样?在哪儿?在做什么?他好吗?” ’I know nothing about Mr Rochester.Why don’t you ask the name of the governess,and why everybody is looking for her?’ “我对罗切斯特先生一无所知。你为什么不问问家庭教师的名字,以及为什么大家都在找她?” ’Did Mr Briggs write to Mr Rochester?’I asked. “布莱格斯先生给罗切斯特先生写信了吗?”我问。 ’He did,but he received an answer not from him,but from the housekeeper,a Mrs Fairfax.’ “他写过,但回信的不是他,而是管家,一位费尔法斯太太。” I felt cold and unhappy.No doubt Mr Rochester had left England for a life of wild pleasure in the cities of Europe.That was what I had been afraid of.Oh,my poor master—once almost my husband—who I had often called’ my dear Edward’! 我感到身上发冷,很不高兴。无疑罗切斯特先生又离开英格兰到欧洲的城市去寻欢作乐了,这正是我所担心的。噢,我可怜的主人,差点儿成了我的丈夫,我曾经常称做“我亲爱的爱德华”的人! ’As you won’t ask the governess’s name,I’ll tell you myself,’continued St John.’I’ve got it written down.It’s always better to have facts in black and white.’And he took out of his wallet a tiny piece of paper,which I recognized as part of my sketch book,and showed it to me.On it I read,in my own writing,’JANE EYRE’,which I must have written without thinking. “既然你不问家庭教师的名字,我来告诉你。”圣约翰接着说。“我有笔头证据,最好还是白纸黑字清楚些。”他拿出钱包,从里面抽出一张小纸片,拿给我看。我认出那是我速写本上的,上面是我自己的亲笔字“简·爱”,这一定是我无意之中写上去的。 ’The advertisements and Briggs spoke of a Jane Eyre,but I only knew a Jane Elliott,’said St John.’Are you Jane Eyre?’ “布莱格斯先生及启事中提到一个简·爱,但我只认识一个简·艾略特。”圣约翰说。“你是简·爱吗?” ’Yes—yes,but doesn’t Mr Briggs know anything about Mr Rochester?’I asked desperately. “是的,是的,可布莱格斯先生就没有罗切斯特先生的消息吗?”我迫不急待地问。 ’I don’t think Briggs is at all interested in Mr Rochester.You’re forgetting the really important thing.Don’t you want to know why he’s been looking for you?’ “我觉得布莱格斯先生对罗切斯特先生毫无兴趣,你忘了真正重要的事。你想知道他为什么在找你吗?” ’Well,what did he want?’I asked,almost rudely. “好吧,他究竟想要什么?”我几乎无礼地问。 ’Only to tell you that your uncle,Mr Eyre of Madeira,is dead,that he has left you all his property,and that you’re now rich—only that,nothing more.’ “只是想告诉你,你舅舅,马迪拉的爱先生去世了,他把财产留给了你,你现在富有了。就这些,再没别的了。” Rich!One moment I was poor,the next moment I was wealthy.It was hard to realize my new situation.A fortune brings serious worries and responsibilities with it,which I could hardly imagine.I was sorry to hear that my uncle,my only surviving relation,was dead.However,the inheritance would give me independence for life,and I was glad of that. 富有!一时我很穷,一时我又富了。我很难意识到自己的新境遇。一笔财富可以带来我根本无法想像的担忧和责任。听到我唯一活着的亲人我的舅舅去世了,我感到很难过。但是继承遗产可以让我独立生活,这点我很高兴。 ’Perhaps you would like to know how much you’ve inherited?’offered St John politely.’It’s nothing much really,just twenty thousand pounds,I think.’ “或许你想知道你继承了多少财产?”圣约翰客气地说。“其实并不很多,我想只有20 000英镑。” ’Twenty thousand pounds?’The news took my breath away.St John,who I had never heard laugh before,actually laughed out loud at my shocked face.’Perhaps…perhaps you’ve made a mistake?’I asked him nervously. “20 000英镑?”这消息让我停止了呼吸。我从未听到过圣约翰的笑声,这时他看到我吃惊的样子,不禁大笑了起来。“也许……也许你搞错了。”我胆怯地问他。 ’No,there’s no mistake.Now I must be leaving.Good night.’He was about to open the door,when suddenly I called,’ Stop!Why did Mr Briggs write to you in order to find me?’ “不,没有错。现在我得走了,晚安。”他正要开门,我突然喊道:“站住!为什么布莱格斯找我要写信给你?” ’Oh,I’m a vicar.I have ways of discovering things.’ “哦,我是牧师,有途径找到。” ’No,that doesn’t satisfy me.Tell me the truth,’I insisted,putting myself between him and the door. “不,我不满意你的话,告诉我实情。”我坚持道,站在门前挡住他。 ’Well,I’d rather not tell you just now,but I suppose you’ll discover it sooner or later.Did you know that my full name is St John Eyre Rivers?’ “我本不想现在告诉你,不过我想你早晚也会知道。你知道不知道我的全名叫圣约翰·爱·李维斯?” ’No,I didn’t!But then what—’And I stopped as light flooded my mind and I saw clearly the chain of circumstances which connected us.But St John continued his explanation. “不,不知道!不过,那么这就是说……”我停住了,脑子里念头一闪,开始明白联系我们之间的那一连串的事情。但圣约翰继续解释着。 ’My mother’s name was Eyre,’he said.’She had two brothers,one,a vicar,who married Miss Jane Reed of Gateshead,and the other,John Eyre of Madeira.Mr Briggs,Mr Eyre’s lawyer,wrote to us telling us that our uncle had died,and left all his property,not to us,because of his quarrel withour father,but to his brother’s daughter.Then Mr Briggs wrote again later,saying this girl could not be found.Well,I’ve found her.’He moved towards the door,his hat in his hand. “我母亲姓爱。”他说。“她有两个哥哥,一个是牧师,娶了盖茨赫德的简·里德小姐,另一个就是马迪拉的约翰·爱。布莱格斯先生是爱先生的律师,他写信告诉我们舅舅死了。因为和我们的父亲吵架,他没有把财产留给我们,而是给了他弟弟的女儿。后来布莱格斯先生又写信来,说找不到那位姑娘。不过,我把你找到了。”他手里拿着帽子朝门口走去。 ’Wait a moment,just let me think,’I said.’So you,Diana and Mary are my cousins?’ “等一等,让我想想。”我说。“那么戴安娜和玛丽是我的表姐妹了?” ’We are your cousins,yes,’he said,waiting patiently. “是的,我们是你的表亲。”他耐心地等待着。 As I looked at him,it seemed I had found a brother and sisters to love and be proud of for the rest of my life.The people who had saved my life were my close relations!This was wealth indeed to a lonely heart,brighter and more life-giving than the heavy responsibility of coins and gold. 我看着他,好像自己找到了一个哥哥和两个姐姐,可以一辈子爱他们,并以他们为荣。原来救了我的命的人竟是我的近亲!对一颗孤独的心来说,这的确是一笔财富,比金钱带来的沉重负担更能照亮我的生命。 ’Oh,I’m glad—I’m so glad!’I cried,laughing. “啊,我真高兴——我真高兴!”我笑着,叫着。 St John smiled.’You were serious when I told you you had inherited a fortune.Now you’re excited about something very unimportant.’ 圣约翰笑了。“我跟你说你继承了财产时你很严肃,现在对这无关紧要的事你倒激动起来了。” ’What can you mean?It may mean nothing to you.You already have sisters and don’t need any more family.But I had nobody,and now I suddenly have three relations in my world,or two,if you don’t want to be counted.’I walked rapidly round the room,my thoughts rising so fast I could hardly understand them.The family I now had, the people who had saved me from starvation,I could now help them!There were the four of us cousins.Twenty thousand pounds,shared equally,would be five thousand pounds each,more than enough for each one of us.It would be a fair and just arrangement,and we would all be happy.I would no longer have the worry of controlling a large amount of money,and they would never have to work again.We would all be able to spend more time together at Moor House. “你这是什么意思?这可能对你毫无意义。你已经有两个妹妹,不再需要什么亲人了。可是我没有一个亲人,而现在我的世界里却突然有了三个亲人,或许是两个,如果你不愿被称做一个的话。”我在屋里急步踱着,脑子里的念头一个接一个地闪现,我自己都搞不懂了。我现在的亲人,这些曾从饥饿中拯救过我的人,我如今可以帮助他们!我们表兄妹四个,均分 20 000英镑,每人可得5 000英镑,足够用的。这样安排公平合理,我们大家都会感到高兴,我也不必再为掌握着这么多钱而担心,她们也不必再工作了。我们可以有更多的时间一起生活在摩尔屋了。 Naturally,when I made this suggestion to St John and his sisters,they protestedstrongly,and it was with great difficulty that I finally managed to convince them of my firm intention to carry out this plan.In the end they agreed that it was a fair way of sharing the inheritance,and so the legal steps were taken to transfer equal shares to all of us. 我向圣约翰和他的妹妹们提出这个建议时,他们坚决反对。我费了很大力气才说服她们我一定要这样办。最后他们终于同意这样分配遗产是公平的,于是我们办理了必要的法律手续,把财产平均划到每个人名下。 Chapter 23 23 A voice from the past 23 往昔的呼唤 I promised to stay at Morton school until Christmas,when St John would be able to find another teacher.He was there when I closed the school for the Christmas holidays.I was quite sorry to have to say goodbye to some of my pupils. 我答应在莫顿的那个学校住到圣诞节,那时圣约翰会找到另外一位教师。圣诞节放假时他在学校。要和我的一些学生道别,我感到很难过。 'You see whatprogress they have made!And you've only worked here a few months!'he said.'Imaginehow much more good you could do if you gave your whole life to teaching!' “你瞧她们进步多大!而你才工作了不过几个月的时间!”他说。“想像一下,如果你一生从事教育会成就多大的善事啊!” 'Yes,'I answered,'but I couldn't do it for ever.Don't mention school,I'm on holiday now!' “是的,”我答道,“但我不能一直教下去。别提学校了,我现在放假了!” He looked serious.'What are your plans?' 他表情严肃起来:“你有什么打算?” 'I want you to let me have Hannah for a few days.She and I are going to clean Moor House from top to bottom,and make all the Christmas preparations that you know nothing about,being only a man.Everything must be ready for Diana and Mary when they come home next week,for a really wonderful holiday.' “我想请你把汉娜借给我几天。我要和她从上到下彻底打扫摩尔屋,做好各种圣诞节的准备。你一个男人,对此一无所知。戴安娜和玛丽下星期回家时,应该一切就绪,我们要过一个真正精彩的节日。” St John smiled but he was still not satisfied with me.'That's all right for the moment,but I hope,Jane,that you'll look higher than domesticactivity,and think about a better way of using your energy and intelligencein the service of God.' 圣约翰笑了,但他对我还不满足。“眼下这样很好。不过,简,我希望你能超越家居琐事,看得更高一点,思考一下用更好的办法以你的精力和智慧为上帝服务。” 'St John,I have so many reasons for happiness.I am determined to be happy despite your scolding!' “圣约翰,我高兴的原因太多了。尽管你批评我,我还是下决心要快快乐乐的。” That week Hannah and I worked harder than we had ever worked in our lives before,but at last all was ready.It was a delight to see Diana's and Mary's faces when they arrived cold and stiff from their long journey,and saw the warm fires and polished furniture,and smelt the cakes and meat dishes cooking. 那一星期里,我和汉娜干得比任何时候都卖力,不过一切终于就绪了。戴安娜和玛丽经过长途跋涉到家时都冻僵了。她们看到了温暖的炉火,锃亮的家具,还闻到了蛋糕和炉子上炖肉的香味。又见到她们的面真让人高兴。 We three spent the whole of Christmas week in perfect happiness.The air of the moors,the freedom of home,and the beginning of independence made Diana and Mary happier than I had ever seen them.Only St John remained apart from our conversations and laughter.He continued his serious studies,and spent much time visiting the sick as usual. 圣诞节的一星期里,我们三人过得兴高采烈。沼泽地上的空气、家中的自由自在以及独立生活的开始,使戴安娜和玛丽显得比我见过的任何时候都要高兴。只有圣约翰没有加入我们的谈话和欢笑。他继续他的学习,并像往常一样花许多时间看望病人。 'Do you still intend to be a missionary?'Diana asked him once,a little sadly. “你还想做一个传教土吗?”戴安娜一次有点儿伤心地问他。 'Nothing has changed or will change my plans,'he answered.'I shall leave England in a few months' time.' “什么也没有改变,什么也改变不了我的打算。”他回答说。“我几个月后就离开英格兰。” 'And Rosamund Oliver?'asked Mary gently. “那罗莎蒙特·奥利弗小姐呢?”玛丽轻声问。 'Rosamund Oliver is engaged to a Mr Granby,a very suitable young man,according to her father.'His face was calm.I realized he had managed to overcome what he called his weakness. “罗莎蒙特·奥利弗小姐已经和一位格兰比先生订婚,据她父亲说,是个很匹配的年轻人。”他表情很平静。我意识到他已克服了他所说的所谓的弱点。 Gradually our life at Moor House lost its holiday feeling,and as we took up our usual habits and regular studies again,St John sat with us more often.Sometimes I had the impression he was observing us.One day,when Diana and Mary were out and I was learning German,he suddenly said to me,'I want you to learn Hindustani instead of German.I'll need it for my missionary work in India,and you could help me to learn it by studying with me.I've chosen you because I've noticed you have better powers of concentration than either of my sisters.'It seemed so important to him that I could not refuse,and when his sisters returned,they were surprised to find me learning Hindustani with St John. 在摩尔屋的生活渐渐褪去了节日的气氛,我们又开始按老习惯生活,进行正常的学习,圣约翰和我们在一起的时间多起来。有时候我感到他在观察我们。一天,戴安娜和玛丽出门了,我正在学习德语,他突然对我说:“我想让你学印度斯坦语,而不是德语。我在印度做传教士的工作需要它,你和我一起学可以帮助我。我之所以选择你,是因为我觉得你比我的两个妹妹更能集中精力。”这对他似乎至关重要,使我难以拒绝。两姐妹回来时,看到我正和圣约翰学习印度斯坦语,感到非常惊讶。 From now on we spent a lot of time together,studying.I had to work very hard to satisfy him.Under his influence,however,I felt I was losing my freedom to be myself.I could no longer talk or laugh freely,as I knew he only approved of serious moods and studies.I fell under his freezing spell,obeying all his commands without thinking. 从此我们常在一起学习,我必须非常刻苦才能使他满意。但是,在他的影响下我感到我正在失去保持自我的自由。因为我知道他只赞赏严肃认真的态度和学习,我不能再自由地说笑。我好像被他施了定身术,不假思索地服从着他所有的命令。 One evening,at bedtime,as he kissed his sisters good night,and was holding out his hand to shake mine,as usual,Diana said,laughing,'St John!You aren't treating Jane like one of the family!You should kiss her too.'I was rather embarrassed,but St John calmly kissed me,and did so every evening after that. 一天晚上,就寝的时间到了,他吻了两个妹妹,并道晚安,又像往常那样伸出手来握我的手。戴安娜笑着说:“圣约翰,你没把简当做一家人来对待!你也应该吻她。”我很尴尬,但圣约翰平静地吻了我。此后每天晚上都这样。 I had not forgotten Mr Rochester in all these changes of home and fortune.His name was written on my heart,and would stay there as long as I lived.Not only had I written to ask Mr Briggs more about him,I had also written twice to Mrs Fairfax.But after I had waited in vain for six months,I lost hope,and felt low indeed.Diana said I looked ill,and needed a holiday at the seaside,but St John thought I ought to concentrate onmore serious work,and gave me even more Hindustani exercises to do. 在所有这些关于家庭与财富的变迁发生的过程中,我始终不能忘记罗切斯特先生。他的名字已写在我心上,只要我活着,就永远不会消失。我不仅越来越多地给布莱格斯先生写信,打听他的消息,还给费尔法斯太太去过两封信。但是空等了半年,我不抱希望了,感到无比沮丧。戴安娜说我看上去不舒服,需要到海边去疗养,然而圣约翰却说我应该集中精力多做些正经的事,还给我更多的印度斯坦语练习来做。 One day,while he and I were walking on the moors,he announced,'Jane,I'll be leaving in six weeks.' 一天,当他和我在沼泽地上散步时,他宣布:“简,我六星期后离开。” 'You're doing God's work.He'll protect you,'I replied. “你在为上帝工作。他会保护你。”我说。 'Yes,it seems strange to me that all my friends don't want to join me.God offers a place in heaven to all who serve Him.What does your heart say to that,Jane?' “是的,奇怪的是我的朋友没有一个愿与我同行。上帝给所有为他服务的人在天堂都准备好了地方。简,你的心对此有什么回答?” 'My heart is silent—my heart is silent,'I murmured. “我的心是沉默的——我的心是沉默的。”我喃喃道。 'Then I must speak for it,'said the deep,stern voice.'Jane,come with me to India as a missionary!' “那么我就必须替它说话了。”他用严肃低沉的声音说。“简,跟我一起去印度做传教士吧!” Was it a call from God?I felt as if I was under a terrible spell,and I trembled,afraid that I might not be able to escape. 这是上帝的召唤吗?我感到自己被附上了可怕的咒语,我颤抖着,害怕自己无法逃脱出来。 'Oh St John,don't choose me!'I begged.But it was useless appealing to a man who always did what he believed to be his duty,however unpleasant it was. “噢,圣约翰,别选择我。”我乞求着。然而他一向认为自己在履行责任,无论那是多么不愉快;向这样的人乞求是徒劳的。 'God intended you to be a missionary's wife,'he continued.'Trust in Him,Jane.Marry me,for the service of God.' “上帝要让你成为一个传教士的妻子。”他接着说。“简,相信我。嫁给我,为上帝服务。” 'I can't do it,St John,I'm not strong enough!'I cried.The iron bars of a cage seemed to be closing in around me. “圣约翰,我不能,我不够坚强。”我大声说。牢笼的铁条似乎正从四面向我逼近。 'I've seen how hard you can work,Jane.You will be a great help to me with Indian women,and in Indian schools.' “简,我看到了你工作起来有多么刻苦。你可以在印度妇女中、在印度学校里给我很大帮助。” I thought,' Yes,I could do that.But I know that he doesn't love me, and despite that,he asks me to marry him!'So I said, 我心想:“是的,我能够做到,但我知道他不爱我。尽管这样,他还让我嫁给他!”于是我说: 'I'm ready to go with you to India,but as a sister,not as a wife.' “我准备跟你去印度,但是做为妹妹,而不是妻子。” He shook his head.'You must see that's impossible. No, a sister could marry at any time, and leave me.I need a wife,who will obey me in life, and who will stay with me until death.' 他摇摇头。“你要知道那是不可能的。不行,妹妹随时可以嫁人,离我而去。我需要一个妻子,在生活中听命于我,并伴我至死。” I trembled as I felt his power over me already.'I'll give my heart to God,'I said.'You don't want it.'As I looked at his stern face, I knew I could go anywhere in the world with him as a colleague, but I could never lose my freedom by marrying him. 我发起抖来,因为我已感受到他的力量在控制着我。“我会把心交给上帝。”我说。“你不需要的。”我望着他紧绷的脸,知道我可以做为同事伴他到天涯海角,但我永远不能为与他结婚而失去我的自由。 'I'll ask you again in a few days' time,he said,'and remember,it isn't me you're refusing,but God!' “我几天以后再问你一次。”他说。“记住,你拒绝的不是我,而是上帝!” From then on his manner towards me was as cold as ice,which caused me great pain.I began to understand how,if I were his wife, this good, religious man could soon kill me,without feeling any guilt at all. 此后他对我的态度便冷若冰霜,使我非常痛苦。我开始明白,如果我是他的妻子,这个善良、虔诚的男人会很快要了我的命,而自己却不感到丝毫的愧疚。 When he asked me again,we were alone in the sitting-room.He put his hand on my head and spoke quietly in his deep,sincere voice.'Remember,Jane,Godcalls us to work for Him,and will reward us for it.Say you will marry me,and earn your place in heaven!'I admired and respected him,and under his touch my mind was changing. I was tempted to stop struggling against him, as I had been tempted before,in a different way,by Mr Rochester.The missionary gently held my hand.I could resist his anger,but not his gentleness. I desperately wanted to do what was right. 他第二次问我时,我们正单独坐在客厅里。他将手放在我的头上,用深沉而真诚的声音轻声地说:“简,记住,上帝呼唤我们为他工作,并将为此奖赏我们。说,你会嫁给我,去争取你在天堂的位置。”我仰慕他、尊重他,在他的触摸下我的想法开始变化。我有些想停止对他的反抗,就像过去在另一种情形下受到罗切斯特先生的诱惑一样。传教士温柔地握着我的手。我可以抵抗他的气愤,却无法抗拒他的温柔。我竭力想把事情做对。 'If I felt certain,'I answered finally,'that God really wanted me to marry you, I would agree!' 我最后说:“如果我的确感到上帝真的想让我和你结婚,我会同意的。” 'My prayers are heard!'cried St John. Close together we stood, waiting for a sign from heaven. I was more excited than I had ever been before.There was a total silence in the house,and the room was full of moonlight.Suddenly my heart stopped beating, and I heard a distant voice cry,'Jane! Jane!Jane!'—nothing more.Where did it come from?It was the voice of Edward Rochester, and it spoke in sadness and in pain. “我的祈祷显灵了!”圣约翰叫道。我们紧紧站在一起,等待来自天堂的信号。我从未像现在这样激动。屋里一片寂静,月光洒了一地。突然,我的心好像停止了跳动。我听到一个遥远的声音呼唤着:“简!简!简!”再没有别的了。这是从哪儿传来的?这是罗切斯特先生的声音,悲伤而痛苦。 'I'm coming!'I cried.'Wait for me!'I ran into the garden calling,'Where are you?'Only the hills sent a faint echo back. “我来了!”我喊着。“等等我!”我跑进花园喊着:“你在哪儿?”只有山丘隐约的回声。 I broke away from St John, who had followed, asking me questions.It was my time to give orders now. I told him to leave me, and he obeyed.In my room I fell to my knees to thank God for the sign he had sent me,and waited eagerly for daylight. 我从圣约翰身边挣脱着跑出来,他跟在我后面追问着。现在该轮到我下命令了。我让他离开我,他遵从了。回到自己的房间后,我跪到地上。感谢上帝给我带来的讯息。我急切地盼着天亮。 Chapter 24 Part Five A wife at Ferndean Manor 24 Returning to Thornfield 第五部 枫丹庄园的女主人 24 回到特恩费得 In the morning I explained to Diana and Mary that I had to go on a journey,and would be away for several days Although they did not know the reason for my journey,they were far too sensitive to my feelings to bother me with questions. 早晨,我跟戴安娜和玛丽解释说我必须出门,离开几天。尽管她们不知道我出门的原因,但她们都小心地顾及着我的感觉,没有多问什么。 And so I walked to Whitcross,the lonely crossroads on the moor,where I had arrived a year ago with no money or luggage.I took the coach, and after thirty-six hours of travelling I got down at Thornfield village, and almost ran across the fields in my hurry to see the well-known house again,and its owner.I decided to approach from the front to get the best view of the house.From there I would be able to see my master's window.'He might even be walking in the gardens,'I thought,'and I could run to him,touch him!Surely that wouldn't hurt anybody?' 于是我走到威特考斯。一年前,我曾身无分文来到这块沼泽地上的十字路口。我乘上马车,经过36个小时的旅程,在特恩费得村下了车。我几乎是跑着走过田野,急切地想再次看到那熟悉的老屋和它的主人。我决定从前面过去,以便看得更清楚些。从这个角度我能见到主人房间的窗户。“他或许就在花园散步呢!”我想。“我可以向他跑过去,抚摸他!这肯定不会伤了谁吧?” But when I reached the great stone columns of the main gate,I stood still in horror. There,where I had hoped to see a fine, impressive house, was nothing but a blackened heap of stones,with the silence of death about it.No wonder that letters addressed to people here had never received an answer.There must have been a great fire.How had it started?Had any lives been lost? I ran back to the village to find answers to my questions. 但是,当我来到大门的巨大石柱下时,我呆站着,心中充满恐惧。我原本希望看到一座府第巍然矗立的地方,此时却只剩下几堆焦黑的石头,周围是死一般的寂静。难怪写给这里的人的信,没有一点儿回音呢。一定是发生了大火灾,怎么引起的呢?有人死去吗?我跑回村子去寻找答案。 'Well,ma'am,'the hotel-owner told me,'I was one of Mr Rochester's servants at the time, and I can tell you it was his mad wife who started the fire in the governess's room.The master had been wildly in love with the governess,you see,ma'am, although she was just a plain little thing, and when she disappeared, he almost went mad. His wife must have understood enough to be jealous of the girl.Anyway,in the fire the master risked his life helping all the servants out of the house,then bravely went back to save the mad woman.We saw her jump from the roof and fall to her death.But because he went back to help her,he was badly injured in the fire,losing a hand and the sight of both eyes. Very sad,ma'am.' “是这样,女士。”旅馆的店主对我说。“我曾是罗切斯特先生的一个仆人,我可以告诉你,一定是他的疯老婆在家庭教师的房间里放了火。女士,你知道,尽管她只是个不起眼的小东西,可是主人却疯狂地爱上了她。她失踪后,他几乎要疯了。他的老婆一定还知道嫉妒那个姑娘。不管怎样,大火中主人冒着生命危险帮助所有的仆人们逃出了屋子,然后又勇敢地冲回去救那疯女人。我们看到她从屋顶跳下来,摔死了。可是他因为回去救她却被大火严重烧伤,失去了一只手,一双眼睛也瞎了。真让人伤心啊,女士。” 'Where is he now?'I asked urgently. “他现在在哪儿?”我急切地问。 'At another house of his,Ferndean Manor,thirty miles away. “在他的另一所房子枫丹庄园那儿,离这儿30英里。” I hired a carriage to drive there at once. 我立即租了辆马车,向那里驶去。 Chapter 25 25 Finding Mr Rochester again 25 重新找到罗切斯特先生 Ferndean Manor was a large old house in the middle of a wood.It looked dark and lonely, surrounded by trees.As I approached,the narrow front door opened,and out came a figure I could not fail to recognize, Edward Rochester. I held my breath as I watched,feeling a mixture of happiness and sadness. He looked as strong as before and his hair was still black, but in his face I saw a bitter,desperate look,that I had never seen there before.He walked slowly and hesitatingly along the path.Although he kept looking up eagerly at the sky,it was obvious that he could see nothing.After a while he stopped, and stood quietly there, the rain falling fast on his bent, uncovered head.Finally he found his way painfully back to the house, and closed the door. 枫丹庄园是一幢建在树林中间的高大的旧房子,看上去灰暗、孤单,周围绿树环绕。当我走近时,狭窄的前门打开了,里面走出的正是我永远都能认出的爱德华·罗切斯特。我屏住呼吸注视着,心中悲喜交加。他看上去还和过去一样强壮,头发依然乌黑,但在他的脸上,我看到的是从未见过的痛苦、绝望的表情。他慢慢地、踌躇地在路上走着。尽管他抬起头来热切地望着天空,但显然他什么也看不见。过了一会儿,他停住脚步,静静地站着,雨水打在他低着的、光光的头上。最后他艰难地找到了回家的路,关上了门。 When I knocked at the door,Mr Rochester’s old servant,John,opened it and recognized me. He and his wife Mary were the only servants their master had wanted to keep when he moved from Thornfield.Although they were surprised to see me,I had no difficulty in arranging to stay at Ferndean that night. 当我敲门时,罗切斯特先生的老仆人约翰打开门,并认出了我。主人从特恩费得搬来时,他和妻子玛丽是主人唯一想留下的仆人。尽管他们见到我很吃惊,我还是没费什么事就做好了当晚住在枫丹的安排。 ’But he may not want to see you,’warned Mary,as we sat together in the kitchen.’He refuses to see anybody except us.’She was lighting some candles.’He always wants candles in the sitting-room when it’s dark,even though he’s blind.’ 我们一起坐在厨房里,玛丽警告说:“他也许不愿见到你。除了我们以外,他拒绝见任何人。”她点上几根蜡烛。“尽管他瞎了,却总希望天黑时在客厅里点上蜡烛。” 'Give them to me,Mary,’ I said.’I’ll take them to him.’ “把蜡烛给我,玛丽。”我说。“我给他拿去。” The blind man was sitting near the neglected fire in the dark room, 'Put downthe candles,Mary,’ he sighed. 这个双目失明的人坐在黑屋子里无人照管的炉火边。“把蜡烛放下,玛丽。”他叹了口气。 ' Here they are,sir,’I said. “先生,它们在这里。”我说。 ' That is Mary,isn’t it?’he asked,listening carefully. “你是玛丽,对吗?”他说,并仔细听着。 ' Mary’s in the kitchen,’I answered. “玛丽在厨房里。”我答道。 'What sweet madness has seized me?’he cried suddenly. “是什么甜蜜的疯狂攫住了我?”他突然喊道。 'Where is the speaker?I can’t see,but I must feel,or my heart will stop, and my brain will burst!Let me touch you,or I can’t live!I held his wandering band with both of mine.’Is it Jane?This is her shape…’He released his hand and seized my arm,shoulder,neck,waist and held me close to him. “说话的人在哪儿?我看不到,但我必须感觉到,否则我的心就会停止跳动,我的脑子就会迸裂!让我摸摸你,否则我会活不下去!”我双手握住他摸索着的手。“是简吗?这是她的样子……”他腾出手来,抓住我的胳膊、肩膀、脖子、腰肢,把我紧紧抱祝 ' She is here,’I said, 'and her heart too.I am Jane Eyre.I’ve found you and come back to you.’ “她在这里。”我说。“她的心也在这里,我是简·爱。我找到你了,回到你身边来了。” ’My living darling!So you aren’t lying dead in a ditch somewhere!Is it a dream?I’ve dreamed so often of you,only to wake in the morning,abandoned, my life dark,my soul thirsty.’ “我的宝贝还活着!那么你没有死在某处的阴沟里!这是不是梦?我常常梦见你,早上醒来却已被抛弃,只剩下黑暗的生活和饥渴的灵魂。” 'I’m alive, and I’m not a dream,In fact,I’m an independent woman now I’ve inherited five thousand pounds from my uncle.’ “我活着,我不是梦。实际上我现在是个独立的女人了,我从舅舅那儿继承了5 000英镑。” 'Ah,that sounds real!I couldn’t dream that.But perhaps you have friends now, and don’t want to spend much time in a lonely house with a blind man like me.’ “啊,这听起来倒是真的!我不会梦到这个。但是也许你现在有了朋友,不再想到这幢孤零零的房子里,花许多时间陪伴一个像我这样的瞎子了。” 'I can do what I like,and I intend to stay with you,unless you object.I’ll be your neighbour, your nurse, your housekeeper, your companion. You will never be sad or lonely as long as I live.’ “我想做什么,就能做什么。我想和你一起住,除非你反对。我要成为你的邻居,你的护士,你的管家,你的伴侣。只要我活着,你就永远不会悲伤或孤独。” He did not reply immediately, and I was a little embarrassed by his silence.I had assumed he would still want me to be his wife, and wondered why he did not ask me. 他没有立刻回答,他的沉默使我感到有些尴尬。我本以为他仍然希望我成为他的妻子,却纳闷他为什么不向我提出来。 'Jane, he said sadly,’you cannot always be my nurse.It’s kind and generous of you, but you’re young, and one day you will want to marry.If I could only see,I’d try to make you love me again, but…’And he sighed deeply. “简,”他悲哀地说。“你不能永远做我的护士。你很慷慨善良,但你还年轻,总有一天你会想结婚。如果我能够看得见,我会努力让你再爱上我,但是……”他深深地叹了口气。 I was very relieved to discover that was all he was worrying about,because I knew that his blindness made no difference at all to my love for him.However, I thought too much excitement was not good for him, so I talked of other things,and made him laugh a little.As we separated at bedtime,he asked me,’Just one thing, Jane.Were there only ladies in the house where you’ve been?’I laughed, and escaped upstairs,still laughing.’A good idea!’I thought.’A little jealousy will stop him feeling so sorry for himself!’ 原来他担心的就是这些,我感到轻松了许多,因为他失明丝毫没有影响到我对他的爱。但是,我觉得过于激动对他没好处,于是就开始扯些别的话题,逗他笑一点儿。我们分手去就寝时,他问我:“简,就一件事。你住的家里只有女士吗?”我笑了,逃上楼去,仍止不住笑。“好主意。”我想。“小小的嫉妒会让他减少对自己的伤心。” Next day I took him outside for a long walk in the fresh air.I described the beauty of the fields and sky to him, as we sat close together in the shade of a tree. 第二天,我带他到户外散步,呼吸些新鲜空气。当我们紧挨着坐在树阴下时,我向他描述着田野和天空的美丽。 'Tell me,Jane,what happened to you when you so cruelly abandoned me?’he asked, holding me tightly in his arms. “简,告诉我。你狠心抛下我后,又发生了什么事?”他紧紧搂着我问。 And so I told him my story. Naturally he was interested in St John Rivers,my cousin. 于是我向他讲述了我的经历。他自然对我的表兄圣约翰很感兴趣。 'This St John,do you like him?’ “这个圣约翰,你喜欢他吗?” 'He’s a very good man.I couldn’t help liking him.’ “他是个很好的人,我不能不喜欢他。” 'He’s perhaps a man of fifty or so?’ “他也许五十多岁?” ’St John is only twenty-nine,sir.’ “不,先生,圣约翰只有29岁。” ’Rather stupid,I think you said?Not at all intelligent?’ “我想你说过他很傻?一点儿也不聪明?” ’He has an excellent brain,sir.’ “先生,他有着出色的头脑。” ’Did you say he was rather plain, ugly,in fact?’ “你是不是说过他实际上很平凡、很丑?” 'St John is a handsome man,tall and fair,with blue eyes.’ “圣约翰是个美男子,个子高高的,金发碧眼。” Mr Rochester frowned, and swore loudly. 罗切斯特先生皱起眉头,大声诅咒着。 'In fact,sir,’I continued, 'he asked me to marry him.’ “先生,”我接着说,“实际上他要我嫁给他。” ’Well,Jane, leave me and go.Oh,until now I with thought you would never love another man! But go and marry Rivers!’ “好了,简,离开我走吧!啊,直到此刻我一直以为你不会再爱上别人!但是走吧,去和李维斯结婚!” 'I can never marry him,sir He doesn’t love me, and I don’t love him. He’s good and great, but as cold as ice. You needn’t be jealous, sir All my heart is yours.’ “先生,我永远不能和他结婚。他不爱我,我也不爱他。他很好、很伟大,但却冷若冰霜。你不必嫉妒,我整个的心都是你的。” He kissed me.'I’m no better than the great tree hit by lightning at Thornfierld,’he said.’I can’t expect to have a fresh young plant like you by my side,all my life.’ 他吻吻我。“我跟特恩费得被雷击倒的大树没什么两样。”他说,“我不能指望像你这样一棵稚嫩的小树一辈子陪伴在我身边。” 'You are still strong, sir, and young plants need the strength and safety of a tree to support them.’Jane,will you marry me,a poor blind man with one hand,twenty years older than you?’ “先生,你仍然强壮。小树需要大树的力量和庇护来支撑自己。”“简,你愿嫁给我,一个比你年长20岁、只有一只手的、可怜的盲人吗?” 'Yes, sir.’ “是的,先生。” 'My darling!We’ll be married in three days’time,Jane.Thank God!You know I never thought much of religion?Well,lately I’ve begun to understand that God has been punishing me for my pride and my past wickedness.Last Monday night,in a mood of deep depression,I was sitting by an open window, praying for a little peace and happiness in my dark life.In my heart and soul I wanted you.I cried out “Jane!”three times.’ “我亲爱的!简,我们三天内就结婚。感谢上帝!你知道我从来不那么看重宗教吧?不过最近我认为上帝在为我的傲慢和邪恶的过去惩罚我。上星期一晚上,我情绪很坏,坐在敞开的窗边,祈求我黑暗的生活中出现一点儿安宁和幸福。在我的内心和灵魂深处,我想得到你。我喊了三声’简!’” 'Last Monday night,about midnight?’I asked,wondering. “上星期一晚上,大约午夜时?”我奇怪地问。 'Yes, but that doesn’t matter.This is what’s really strange.I heard a voice calling “I’m coming,wait for me!”and“Where are you?”And then I heard an echo sent back by hills, but there’s no echo here,in the middle of the wood.Jane, you must have been asleep. Your spirit and mine must have met to comfort each other! It was your voice I heard!’ “是的,不过这还无关紧要。真正奇怪的是这个:我听到一个声音回答着:’我来了,等等我!’还说:’你在哪儿?’然后我听到山丘传来的回声,可我们这里没有山丘,是在树林当中。简,你当时一定睡了。你我的魂灵一定见了面,互相安慰!我听到的正是你的声音。” I did not tell him I had actually spoken those words many miles away,at that exact moment on that night, because I could hardly understand how it happened myself. 我自己也搞不清这一切是如何发生的,便没有告诉他就在那天夜里的那个时刻,我在很远的地方说出的正是他听到的话。 'I thank God!’said Edward Rochester,’and ask Him to help me live a better life in future!’Together we returned slowly to Ferndean Manor, Edward leaning on my shoulder. “我感谢上帝!”爱德华·罗切斯特说,“我请求他帮助我在未来过上更好的生活。”爱德华扶着我的肩膀,我们一起慢慢回到枫丹庄园。 We had a quiet wedding.I wrote to tell the Rivers the news.Diana and Mary wrote back with delighted congratulations,but St John did not reply. 我们举行了简单的婚礼。我写信告诉了李维斯一家,戴安娜和玛丽回信热情祝贺我们,但圣约翰没有回复。 Now I have been married for ten years.I know what it is like to love and be loved, No woman has ever been closer to her husband than I am to Edward.I am my husband’s life,and he is mine. We are always together,and have never had enough of each other’ s company. After two years his sight began to return in one eye.Now he can see a little, and when our first child was born and put into his arms, he was able to see that the boy had inheritedhis fine large black eyes. 现在我已结婚十年。我懂得什么是爱和被爱。没有任何女人与丈夫,能像我和爱德华那样亲密。我是我丈夫的生命,而他也是我的。我们总是在一起,享受不够彼此的陪伴。两年后,他的一只眼睛开始恢复视力。现在他已经能看到一点儿。我们的第一个孩子出世、放到他怀里时,他可以看出孩子继承了他那双又大又黑的漂亮眼睛。 Mrs Fairfax is retired,and Adele has grown into a charming young woman.Diana and Mary are both married,and we visit them once, a year.St John achieved his ambition by going to India as planned,and is still there.He writes to me regularly.He is unmarried and will never marry now.He knows that the end of his life is near, but he has no fear of death,and looks forward to gaining his place in heaven. 费尔法斯太太退休了,阿黛拉已出落成一个迷人的姑娘。戴安娜和玛丽都结了婚,我们每年都去看她们一次。圣约翰实现了他的远大志向,如期去了印度,至今还在那里。他经常给我写信,没有结婚,也不打算结婚了。他知道自己的生命就要完结,但是他对死亡毫不惧怕,盼着在天堂中获得他的一席之地。 |
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