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美国婚礼上6种最糟糕的人 （美国）卡琳娜·法瑞克 陈荣生 译
（图片欣赏——区怡摄/湛江） 1、一来就想喝酒的心急醉汉 新娘还未走上红毯，这种人就已经谋划好他们的酒单了。他们会反复地说一句话：“怎么还不上酒！”只要有人听，他们就会不停地说，而且还会兴高采烈地描述他们打算怎样喝醉，让你听起来会觉得他们并不是那么频繁地外出喝酒。 2、谁都不认识的陌生人 你认识婚礼上的这对幸福夫妻。你是他们家的邻居、大学舍友、甚至在20多岁时曾经一起被短暂地困在荒岛上。你了解他们的一切，所以……那个家伙是谁？这个陌生人显然是你朋友人生中一个很重要的人，但你们以前是否认识并不是那么重要，所以才足以让他们邀请来参加婚礼。这种人不是失散多年的亲人，也不是某位宾客的对象，他们只不过是一个标记，你从未见过他们的事实，是对你认为自己对你所谓的“朋友”一切都了解的质疑。 3、需要准确知道200来宾是怎样认识新娘新郎的侦探 “你是怎样认识新娘新郎的？”这是系谱学家开始他们的对话的提问。然后，他们会立即放弃这种对话，转而向另外一个人提问同一个问题。每个人与结婚之人都有着某种关系，他们要找出这种关系，否则誓不罢休。他们为什么这么在意呢？天知道，但你大半会希望他们避开婚礼，到警察局的一间挂满红绳和婚礼来宾相片的小黑屋里，想方设法找出其所有的联系。 4、拒绝跳舞的坐台者 晚餐用过了。发言结束了。乐队开始演奏了，所有人都起身走上舞池……所有人，即除开那些坐台者。他们拒绝起身似乎是出于害羞，但如果他们不想人们看他们，他们这样做就错了。服务员在清理碗碟，他们则蜷缩在桌子前，默默地喝着鸡尾酒，醒目到就像是对着舞池上的每一个人竖起了一根疼痛的拇指。 5、烦人的派对动物 与坐台者相反的是派对动物。你甚至还未来得及吃上一口晚饭，他们就已经缠着你跟他们到舞池去。你拒绝他们的话，他们会一直缠着你，直到你别无选择，只好加入他们，尽义务跳舞。正如你能看出的那样，他们并没有把当时看作是一场婚礼，而是看作是一个机会，可以让他们向所有人展示他们所懂得的各种恰恰舞。 6、出于某种原因不停地谈电影的人 可以说，这种人以前只是在电影中见到过婚礼。这就是他们为什么总是在说“结婚婚”并提及《不速之客》中的场景的唯一原因。如果你不是那么礼貌的话，你可以引用《刻薄女孩》中的台词，对这个人说：“你不能与我们坐在一起！” （译自《大学幽默》） 您若认为此文对教育有益，敬 请 传 阅、推 荐、转 载。 原文如下，若有问题，可留言，我将尽量回答。 The 7 Worst People You'll Meet At A Wedding Karina Farek 1.The Impatient Drunk Who Can’t Wait For The Bar To Open The bride hasn't even made her way to the aisle yet, but this dude is already plotting their drink order. They repeat the phrase "I can't wait for the open bar" to anyone who will listen and gleefully recount how drunk they plan on getting in a way that makes you think that maybe they don't get out all that often. 2.The Stranger Who No One Has Even Met Before You've known the happy couple your entire life. You grew up next door to them, dormed together in college and were even briefly stranded on a desert island back in your early twenties. You know everything about them so....who the fuck is that guy? The Stranger is someone who was apparently important enough in your friend's life to invite to the wedding, but not so important that you've ever met them before. They're not long lost family. They're not someone's date. They're literally just a blip and the fact that you've never seen them calls into question everything you thought you knew about your so called "Friends". 3.The Detective Who Needs To Know Exactly How All 200 People Know The Bride and Groom "How do you know the bride and groom?" This is the question that The Genealogist starts all of their conversations with. Then, they immediately abandon those conversations to ask the aforementioned question to someone else. Everyone has SOME sort of relation to the people getting married, and they're gonna find out how or die trying. Why do they care so much? Who knows, but you half expect them to duck out of a wedding to go to a dark room in a police station covered in red string and pictures of the wedding guest, just to try and figure out how it's all connected. 4.The Table Dweller Who Refuses To Dance The dinner has been served. The speeches have been made. The band has started jamming and everyone's made their way out onto the dance floor...Everyone, that is, except for The Table Dwellers. Their refusal to move seems to be driven by shyness, but if they didn't want people looking at them, they went about it in the wrong way. They sit hunched over a table, silently drinking a cocktail while the caterers clear the plates, and stick out like a sore thumb to everyone else on the dance floor. 5.The Annoying Party Animal On the opposite side of the spectrum from The Table Dweller is The Party Animal. You haven't even taken a bite out of your dinner yet and they're already pestering you to join them on the dance floor. Decline them and they'll pester you to the point that you have no choice but to join them and dance out of obligation. As best as you can tell, they don't view what's going on as a wedding so much as an opportunity to show everyone that they know all the moves to the Cha-Cha Slide. 6.The Guy Who Keeps Quoting Movies For Some Reason As best as I can tell, this dude has only seen weddings in the movies before. That's the only explanation for why he keeps saying "Mawwiage" over and over again, and bringing up select scenes from The Wedding Crashers. If you were a little less polite, you'd quoting Mean Girls and telling this guy "You can't sit with us!" |
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